Win some, lose some

One day last week I gave in to a food craving and ordered a burger. My mouth was practically watering with anticipation. But once it arrived, that craving disappeared and I realized I really didn't want it. It wasn't all that good -- not bad, but not as good as I expected -- but more than that I immediately remembered that my past few experiences with burgers and fries had ended up the same way: not as good as I wanted it to be, immediate burning in tummy from the fat, and after only a few bites I was full. I felt like I'd swallowed something large and heavy that just sat in my stomach, unwilling to move. I had a few more bites, a few fries, finished maybe half the burger, before I gave up. There was no sense cramming more of it into a space that really did not want more. I felt stuffed for a long time -- seems to take forever for burgers to move through my digestive system.

Fast forward to next day and I was watching a cooking show where a woman from South America was making a lovely-looking ceviche. A light bulb went on with another craving -- light, healthy, delicious ceviche would be so good after that burger! I pored over various recipes, chose one that sounded good, gathered most of the ingredients but saved the star -- the fresh cod -- until this morning. It was a Mexican beach recipe, supposedly, and touted as 'the world's best'. Personally I was disappointed. Not much flavor, the texture of the fish was unpleasant. I had to force it all down because it wasn't cheap, and I'm poor. Plus -- healthy!!

It all started out well -- with the fish 'cooking' away in lime and grapefruit juice, I cut up the rest of the ingredients. Lovely avocado, very expensive organic mango (all I could find ripe).

A little pico de gallo -- tomato, cilantro, red onion.

The final product looked pretty -- and pretty good. I'd put a serrano pepper in my basket at the grocery store a few days ago, but it was nowhere to be found. However, the recipe did not call for chile, I'd just added that on my own. Wish I'd had it! Bland, boring, hard to force down.

I used to have a wonderful ceviche recipe, given to me by a chef in the Napa Valley eons ago when I was trying to publish a Napa Valley cookbook. It was wonderful -- and I don't know why I don't still have it. I do remember tossing all those wonderful recipes at one point, prior to a move. But I sure should have hung on to some of them.

I'll keep trying. Eventually. In the meantime, I should probably spend a little time contemplating the futility and suffering involved with the word 'craving'.