Something rather profound happened overnight. I don't know what it was or how it happened or what caused it, but there's a sea-change in attitude that's been obvious since I awoke this morning.
Last week, yesterday -- and if I want to be brutally honest, for the last two weeks since I returned from my California trip -- I've been lackadaisacal and withdrawn, with little interest or motivation to do much of anything. Yes, I went to Eureka to see a movie, and I've done a few other things, but for the most part I just haven't been able to bring myself to do much of anything or be interested in anything.
What happened overnight to change that? I have no clue. It's nothing I did. Although I haven't done much over these two weeks, I have certainly been introspective to a large degree. Nothing formal, no meditations. I've simply been very aware of my thoughts and probably most importantly, I've questioned, questioned, questioned. Probed those thoughts to trace their origins and meanings. Still, not much changed.
This morning, as soon as I climbed out of bed, I felt a difference. I answered an email I've been putting off because I had no interest, didn't even want to think about it. I did my Monday morning weight routine with gusto and interest and even power. And it's not an easy routine. Last week I barely finished -- not because my body was weak, but because my attitude was weak. The changes are subtle. I'm not bouncing off the walls. But the difference is readily apparent.
We all do what we want to do in life. We make room for what is important to us. Not much has been important to me for awhile now. Today, I am important to me, and that feels terrific. I'm fully aware that it may all change in a day or an hour, but right now, I'm going with it.
A work in progress
4 months ago