Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Freedom to fly

So, did you survive Christmas? I did, and I'm really, really, really glad that it's over! This is my least favorite time of the year, and somehow I always feel immeasurably better once December 25th is behind me. Yeah, I know. Bah Humbug. Deal with it. We even dodged the tornadoes yesterday. And it's a good thing I didn't go to Bhavana because it snowed on Monday, is snowing today and is forecast to snow over the weekend. I wouldn't have a chance of getting out of there for days after the retreat ends.

From a webcam near Bhavana, on Monday
 However -- I have been making good use of my new cycling machine, and that has really made me feel better. I seem to have more energy, but I also noticed when going out to the mailbox earlier today that my body simply felt looser, more limber, and that can't help but be a good thing. I'm back to my 3x week with the weights, using the bike to warm up and cool down to make the 45 minutes. And then doing longer rides on the other days. Still can't get the heartrate monitor to work, so I dug out my own -- the kind that actually straps around your chest. Surprisingly enough, after 3 years, the battery still works. So I'll use that on my longer rides, now that I know it's working. I'll probably call the company's customer service next week, after the holiday and post-holiday craziness dies down a bit more.

I'm also feeling better because I've had some conversations with one of the nuns in California regarding the bookkeeping help I'm supposed to be doing for them. I've done my part, but communication from their end has been spotty, so I've been limited. Today, after receiving the info I needed yesterday, I balanced 3 bank accounts from September and did some other small stuff for them. This makes me feel better for several reasons: I enjoy the contact with her [indeed all of them, but for most things it's just Ayya Sobhana], it feels good to help them, and it feels good to actually do something worthwhile that requires use of my brain and abilities.

Through all the emails yesterday I discovered a wild hair to try to visit them this summer -- drive back, stay awhile. That would require either putting all my stuff in storage, or just selling most of it, putting some in storage or simply not keeping any more than would fit in my car. I know -- I couldn't make it work last year, why would I want to try it again? Because I am really drawn to be there, and I need to figure out how to make it happen. I expect that driving would make a big difference -- I could take more with me, plus I'd have an escape if I needed one. I could drive to Napa and have lunch with Sylvia from time to time, just to balance things out. And I'd work it out with Ayya Sobhana that I could be the errand person, someone who goes off the property on a regular basis. Lots of errands to be run! I think that might make a big difference, help me ease into the whole thing slowly rather than being thrust in suddenly the way I was in July. And with any luck, I won't have a fresh bit of surgery on my leg or anywhere else that will impede my joy.

I've been wanting to 'fly' for months now. Not literally flying -- just be free of encumbrances that keep me tied down to one spot. I don't know exactly what I want to do with it, but all kinds of possibilities have arisen, including volunteering at monasteries in Asia. Big problem with that is airfare! So -- for now I need to decide the basics about keeping or selling stuff, storing or carrying it with me. I think I could probably leave a few things with my cousin, and let him ship them to me if and when I settle someplace and want them. But, it doesn't have to be decided right now, so I'll just let the thoughts continue to filter through the mind, see what happens. I love having so many possibilities, and I really love the thought of having the freedom to fly.

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