Sunshine in the Garden

It's another beautiful, sunny spring day here, and it's impossible for most of us to stay inside. Fortunately, there is plenty of room in the garden for people to enjoy the sun or the shade, and not be close together. I went out a bit earlier to read in the sun. My internet (iPad) even works out there, as my apartment faces the garden.

This was my view from the chair I sat in. Not a lot happening here yet, but a few things are blooming and bulbs are rampant, and a few young veggies here and there. It'll be a riot of color soon.

This is my garden box, opened for the day's fresh air and sunshine. The frost-gard 'tent' was there all winter, and provides a great growing environment for various things. Weather was fairly mild this winter, for a change, so mostly it kept the cats and squirrels out. But now, everything in there is taking off like crazy. The Swiss chard (red stems) is ready to harvest again. I've been using the big, darker green cabbage leaves for taco shells. They actually work pretty well for that. They're sturdy and tough, and tend to 'cup' just the right way. The garlic in the center is just to repel bugs, and it does a good job of that. No pests like garlic!  There's also young romaine lettuce, but you can't see it here.

I could remove the 'tent', but then the cats would get in and dig and poop in it. That bit of white netting is only large enough to cover one side. Eventually, I'll get a larger piece to cover the whole frame, then remove the fabric. But there's no rush. They're happy for now.

A little closer look inside. I do love growing as much of my own food as will fit in this small box.

I've been walking a lot lately, around the river paths and such, and have observed that in the early mornings the paths are almost empty. A person or a bike here and there. In the afternoon, more of them. So this morning I went for a hour's walk at 8am, and saw only a few people the entire time. It's chillier then -- I think it was around 37F -- but not bad once the body warms up from exercise, and with the sun. So hopefully tomorrow morning I'll get up the nerve to try it on the bike when it's that cold. I think it'll be OK, and I'm itching to get out there!

Stay safe, all.

Another new toy......

Life goes on after emotional losses, which is a good thing. Adam will always be a part of my heart,  and there is no one else to fill the empty hole he left behind. But rather than let myself slip into a depression, I used my Buddhist training to let go, to not hold on to the past, or to current emotions. I still miss him -- especially right now when the Ducks have both the men and women in March Madness with the women likely to win the whole shebang. I can't help but think 'Adam would have loved this', and I allow myself that moment, then move on. Such things happen all the time, but are lessening.

Last week, after a bunch of nice days when I wanted to get out on the bike but didn't feel safe on my old one any longer (bike was sound, this old body less sound, and getting on and off it was so difficult that I was in danger of falling during both processes). So I took it to the local bike shop and traded it in on a model I've been wanting since November or December. It had to be ordered, but was ready on Saturday and I took the bus downtown Sunday morning (brrrrrrr, the warm sunny days had hightailed it elsewhere) to pick it up and ride it home. It's quite a lot different from other bikes I've had in my life, so I was a little teetery at times getting used to it, but the streets were quiet and the bike path not too far away. I made it home after a rather nice 40 minute ride along the river, getting used to my new toy.

This is where it lives in my house, so not the best place to get a photo. Nicest thing is that it has smaller wheels (not as small as they look in this photo, only slightly smaller than my old bike) and a forward crank, designed so the rider can easily and safely put their foot on the ground while sitting in the saddle. That takes away one bit of unsteadiness for me, in starting and stopping. The frame is low, so is easy to step through getting on and off, which takes away the rest of the unsteadiness. The forward crank is different, uses slightly different muscle sets. And the handlebars are higher than I've ever had. But again, my body no longer liked the lower handlebars, so this was another reason to choose this bike. The steering feels quite different, probably because of the higher handlebars, maybe because of the smaller wheels. I don't know the dynamics of such things. I like the forward crank because a good push forward on the pedal gets the bike moving nicely from a stop, while I sit comfortably on the seat. Seven gears, all of which are smooth and cover my needs (though I opted not to try to cross any of the bike bridges that require going up a ramp, until I get used to it).

One important factor in choosing the color was that it blend into my living room, since it has to live there. I think that worked out fairly well. I kind of wanted a bright yellow one, but that would not have blended into anything.

Naturally, the weather has turned foggy and chilly in the mornings and by afternoons I haven't had the energy to get out there. So it sits. But there is plenty of good weather coming and I'll be ready when it arrives.

I seem to have been bitten by an insect on my neck/throat sometime before yesterday, which is when I first noticed it. And, on Monday I had zero energy, took three naps during the day and felt like I've felt in the past when some major infection was about to take hold of my body. I connected the two yesterday, rightly or wrongly. I suspect that whatever bit me injected something into my body (it bit right on a little vein, according to a neighbor who's a nurse) and that fatigue was caused by my immune system fighting off this unfamiliar intruder. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I've hardly been out of the house, so not sure where I could have picked up a critter to bite me, unless it was on the bike trip home. Something blown in the breeze. I am feeling better daily, so I suspect that by the time the weather improves I'll feel like riding again.

Be well and safe out there, everybody. Take precautions.

You really don't ever know when the last time you'll speak with a loved one is. Speak well.

I found out this morning that my dearest friend died February 2, and I found out by Googling his name since I hadn't heard from him since Feb. 1 and that's unusual. To say I was shocked to see an obit appear for him in the local paper is an understatement. I'm still shocked, and stunned. I don't know the cause of death, I don't know anything other than a date. We've known one another about exactly 16 years. I remember he called to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day a few days or week after our first 'date' at a coffee shop.

There were people -- his landlords and his sons -- who were supposed to let me know if this happened. Perhaps they will at some point, but not yet. I don't have a way to contact them, other than driving out and speaking to his landlords, which I won't do.

I last spoke to him around 3pm on Saturday the 1st. He'd planned once again to come visit that afternoon, but once again called to cancel because he wasn't feeling well. I'm so used to this that I think I didn't listen closely, though I'm pretty sure it had something to do with his blood pressure. He'd run out of the meds for that and had gotten more that morning and taken them, but he sounded pretty stressed out and they didn't seem to be working. I keep wondering if he said something I should have taken more seriously. I'd like to know what happened. Maybe someday, I will.

In the meantime, my Buddhist training and practice has helped me 'remain equanimous' and understand that death comes to all of us and is inevitable. I think the shock is also responsible for the equanimity. The reality has been hitting me all day as I realized just how often almost any thought would lead me to Adam. I'd think that I'd like to share this with him, or show him this, or talk to him about this, etc. And then I'd realize I couldn't do that any longer. It's a huge, deep, hole in my life that will be impossible to fill.

I offer this chant for Making Merit [good fortune] for the dead, from the Buddha's teachings. At least, according to the senior Buddhist Nun who offered it to me this evening, and she knows her stuff.

For Adam

Verses on the Simile of the Mountains

Like gigantic boulders,
Mountains reaching to the sky 
Moving in from all sides, 
Crushing all in the four directions—

So aging and death come 
Rolling over living beings— 
Noble warriors, priests, merchants, 
Workers, outcasts, and scavengers. 
They spare nothing; 
They crush everything.

Here elephants can hold no ground, 
Nor can chariots or infantry. 
One can’t defeat them by a battle of spells 
Or buy them off by means of wealth.

So a wise person, 
Seeing his own good, 
Secures firm conviction
In the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha.

He who practices the Dhamma
In thought, word, and deed, 
Receives praise here on earth 
And after death rejoices in heaven.

Enuf said. GO DUCKS!!!

Saturday Boredom

Hi, y'all.

I'm a little bit bored this evening. Early evening.

This morning I bit the bullet and downloaded Windows 10. It took awhile, but the process was seamless and easy even for a non-techie like me. Microsoft did a good job with this, from my point of view.

So now I'm facing something I've often wanted to face but didn't quite have the guts: Windows 10 does not have the simple solitaire and mahjong games that I've used to mindlessly while away time. Alas. The iPad doesn't have any, either. Yes, I could download some, but every time I try that I'm disappointed with what I got.

It's just as well, really. I need/want to not be so devoted to them anyway.  I still have the New York Times crossword puzzle, as well as their new spelling game (which I love!) and a few others I haven't tried. I'll just need to read, or something worthwhile, instead of mindless play.

Mostly, after the go-round with Microsoft this morning and a few errands about town afterwards, I've spent the day with The Queen. Signed up for my annual 30-day free trial of Netflix a couple of days ago, opted to watch most of season 2 to jog my memory, and am now into season 3, which I haven't seen yet.

One of my new neighbors is a wonderful artist (as in, a pro who actually sells her work) and she gave me a print for my birthday. Today I found the perfect frame for it, but the foam backing is too thick for the frame so she's going to switch it to a thinner backing tomorrow for me. It looks absolutely smashing, I must admit. The photo does not do it full justice, as I couldn't get the colors exactly right, but it's pretty close. Then there's the glare on the frame, and the fact that it's crooked. But -- you get the idea. The colors are vibrant and strong and well balanced and the brass frame was perfect for it -- as soon as I put the print into the frame at the store, it sang to me.

What will Sunday bring? Laundry, for one. Rain. A couple of good books to read, and some exercise machines in the next room waiting to be used.

Merry Ho Ho

Christmas Eve, and it's the grinch here, as always.

Aside from being totally unable to forget/ignore the date and still live in the western world, my body and mind are sensing the end of a season that has for decades been unpleasant, to say the least. Thankfully, I'm long past the years when I'd go into a real funk every year, often not realizing what the problem was until the sunlight of my mind reappeared magically when the season was over. Or perhaps worse, realizing what the problem was but unable to do anything to stop it.

Plop Plop Fizz Fizz, oh what a relief it is! I used to work with the people who created that Alka Seltzer ad. Apropos of nothing.

Nowadays, though, the 'funk' has become much more insidious and sneaky so I don't necessarily realize it's even happening, though I realize something is off. Or, as in this year, I've noticed an increase in anxiety and sleeplessness, a general uneasiness and certainly a need to eat too much of the wrong foods. Comfort foods. But I didn't realize the extent of any of this until the last day or so when I noticed it starting to lighten up. Because it's almost over again for another year. I'm beginning to be more inclined to want healthier foods, and less interested in the red wine of an evening. I feel some inner excitement blossoming because the end is near, only another day or two left (and a few days after that before the media lets go of the fuss and advertising completely).

And here I thought I was such an expert at spotting this! Sometimes, it still beats me because now it's become quiet and sneaky in its ways.

For the first time since I've lived in this building (a little over 3 years now), I've appreciated the community this season. Much more connected to some people (possibly because I've reached out more). It's been a comfort I didn't expect, but appreciate very much now.

Wherever you are, whatever you celebrate or don't celebrate this time of the year, may you be happy.

Old age ain't for sissies

I've been quiet because not much is happening, since my bike ride on Sunday. 

And speaking of Sunday, sometime during that day I noticed a bit of a tender spot on the sole of one foot. It felt something like what we used to call rock bruises. I didn't really think too much about it, because I've had a lot of those over the years.

By Monday, however, it was hurting a good bit more. I took a look, and there was a small round red/blue bump surrounded by red skin. I thought it might be a blood blister, though I've never had one.

By yesterday, it was still there, still sore, showed no signs of going away. My doctor couldn't fit me in this week at all, and I sure didn't think it warranted a $40 copay for urgent care.

By this morning, after a rough night of little sleep (not because of the foot, though aggravated because since my attention was on the foot I felt discomfort whenever the foot encountered the bedding), I opted for another option, a walk-in clinic at a group where I used to have a primary care physician.

It's a good thing I went. Great doctor who probably spent an hour with me. First used a needle to try and drain it, but the pain was really intense. He tried some numbing cream, which really didn't help, then a numbing injection that also really, really hurt but didn't numb it enough. A second syringe of the stuff did the job and after that I didn't care what he did. He was able to drain it quickly and lo and behold, a blood clot emerged. Not a huge one, maybe a little more than pinhead size, but enough to make the surrounding tissues very unhappy.

Fortunately it was not a dangerous kind of clot -- the DVT kind that can break loose and cause havoc in the heart.

Hopefully I'm now on the mend, and hopefully I'll be able to sleep tonight because I'm really, really groggy and tired. Just wanted to say hello. Is anybody listening?

Old folks have the best stories to tell

It's so easy for all of us, me included, to look at old people and not see past the thinning grey hair, the saggy, baggy, wrinkled skin to the person inside.

I live in an old-folks home, of sorts. Not a place with facilities or care or meals, merely an apartment building for people over 55. One of our residents will be celebrating her 100th birthday this Friday, and while many people rely upon aides to come in during the week to help with bathing, laundry, cleaning, whatever is needed, an equal number are self-sufficient, still have cars and travel as they wish.

Up until a couple of weeks ago we had three married couples living here, then one of the men died. This was a couple who everyone here respected and admired, especially the wife, who tended her husband both at home and in his frequent hospital and/or nursing home visits, where she would stay with him night and day for the duration. The devotion was astounding to watch these past few years, but while I knew who they were and spoke to them a couple of times when I'd encounter them, I didn't really know them.

A couple of days after I learned that he'd died I was on another floor to meet with a couple of friends, who happened to be in the hallway speaking with the widow when I arrived, so I joined them. We learned that they were married for 67 years. I don't know what they did for the rest of their lives, but that day I also learned that they had been lighthouse keepers at one of Oregon's many lighthouses for 17 years, many years ago.

Lots of people here have interesting stories, though I only know a fraction of them. One used to train racehorses (trotting/pacing horses that pulled sulkys, not thoroughbreds that race with jockeys), again, many years ago in another life. One is an artist and poet and all around free-spirit who lived in Mexico much of her life and has only 'retired' in recent years due to a health issue. One went to school and became a car mechanic at an advanced age and at one time many years ago raced cars.

Looking at them -- us -- people see the sags and bags and droops and wrinkles, and never look for or think about the interesting lives behind them. I'm guilty, too, but my horizons are certainly opening up.

Life in old age

Hello, world. Is anybody still out there?

Yes, it's been almost a year since I last posted my nonsense here, but lately I've found that my need to communicate has been somewhat renewed and instead of using the blog, I've bombarded a friend (a patient friend).

For some unknown reason, life has seemed a lot better in recent months. I've had more energy, despite still not sleeping well, thus that need to communicate, to use my brain for something other than crossword puzzles. Granted, this blog has never been a major brain event -- quite the opposite, most of the time.

So what have I been up to?

Genealogy: I've solved two long-time 'brick walls' using DNA. Plus I've confirmed all the info I already had on all of my family lines using DNA. Since for me the fun of genealogy is the hunt, the puzzle, playing the detective and searching for clues, I find that is now less time-consuming and less interesting. Something has to fill that gap, and the TV sure doesn't cut it.

Hiking: I've had a real urge to get into the forest again, but while hiking alone has never been a problem for me, nowadays I find that I just want company, if I can find it. Had the bright idea a few days ago to approach a few people here who I thought might enjoy some local hiking (and be physically able). I posted notes on their doors, then headed to the southside to a trail I hiked a lot when I lived down there.  As was always a problem with this trail, it was heavily used even early on a Monday morning, and populated with unleashed dogs, runners, and mountain bikes. None of these were rude, but I've certainly encountered rudeness in the past and I hate sharing trails with mountain bikes. After 27 minutes of slow uphill progress, I decided I didn't need to reach the top and turned around. I'm really not in shape for hills. Yet.

Yesterday one of my neighbors went with me to another trail in the same park, one where mountain bikes are not allowed and that is not as heavily traveled. I had to find the highway trailhead, since I always walked there from home, but once that was solved we were on our way. The trailhead sign said 1.3 miles to the next road. Hilly miles. Bike tire tread marks on the trail, but didn't meet any. Met a few other hikers and a large group of local firemen (and let's face it ladies, firemen tend to be real eye candy -- young and fit and cute) who were practicing rescue on a hillside. We reached the next trailhead not long afterward, and contrary to Monday, having company made it seem easier. This trail is also more rolling hills, not straight up like the first one. I was quite stiff and sore after Monday, and am sure I will feel yesterday's to some extent. But this is good. My body needs it. And so does my mind.

Tomorrow, walking the nearby ponds with a new resident who physically can't walk fast or for long trips, but who seems really interesting. I'm happy to have company for local walks, too, as they get really boring when I'm alone so I rarely do them.

Garden: still growing some delish foodstuffs in my 4x4 raised box. Lots of garlic last winter. Lots of salad veg spring and early summer. Experimented for the first time with cabbage, broccoli and brussels sprouts this fall. One head of cabbage, which was utterly delicious. So far one large head of broccoli with three others that should be ready in the next week. and two stalks of brussels sprouts, immature and yet to be sampled. I was so pleased with the cabbage that I bought more seedlings of a winter variety, plus some rainbow chard. Yesterday planted 4 garlic cloves, as garlic is a great pest repellant for the entire bed.

So -- my need to communicate this morning is now scratched. Later!

More snow....

Day 3. More snow overnight. Looks like about 6" from up here, on top of cars. Looks pretty much like it did the morning of Day 1, aside from tire tracks down the parking lot and piles of snow alongside sidewalks. I was hoping to be able to catch a bus today for some grocery shopping, but it seems unlikely they will run today. I won't starve -- far from it -- but will certainly have to live without fresh veggies and kefir (made from milk, which ran out today). The good news is that it's forecast to be a bit warmer today (all of 41F!), above-freezing tonight and no precip the next two days. This should clear away rather quickly if all that happens.