2008 Retrospective

I feel almost guilty writing about what a great year 2008 was for me, when so many others suffered and continue to suffer from an economy in melt-down.

My abundance, however, came more from within. All the books I've read, all the Buddhist meditation retreats I've attended, all the hours of meditation, all the lessons learned seemed to coalesce during this year to leave me a whole human being, no longer fractured.

I subscribe to daily Buddha quotes from a great outfit called Pariyatti. One of my favorite quotes is "Let go of the past, let go of the future, let go of the present, and cross over to the farther shore of existence. With mind wholly liberated, you shall come no more to birth and death."

To me, what this means is letting go of past events in my life that caused turmoil, letting go of trying to control the present and certainly letting go of trying to control the future. All are futile, and I was more than a little guilty of each and every one. That's probably why that particular quote resonated so much with me. Part of the philosophy as I have learned to apply it in my life is that life brings us what we need every day, if we are able to see it. It's uncanny how often I turn on my computer in the morning and read the daily quote and realize it applies exactly to whatever is going on inside me at that very moment. Recently, I realized that I have, at last, let go of the past and the future. I'm still working on letting go of the present, but making good strides in the right direction. I make no claims to being 'wholly liberated'.

I've let go of anger, resentment and a whole host of similar emotions. Cravings and aversions also seem to have left, for the most part. Part of the Buddha's philosophy is that all of our earthly ills are caused by these two emotions. We're either always wanting something we don't have, or unhappy about something we do have. The goal is acceptance, and for the most part I have reached that very peaceful stage. I continue to qualify in that way because I make no effort to delude either myself or others that I've learned all I have to learn. Every day brings lessons, new things to learn, reminders of my human failings.

At my advanced age I finally learned to 'play well with others' over this past year. I chose to use the people I work with and the workplace itself to achieve this goal, and the difference is palpable inside me -- I don't know how much my co-workers see, but I'm sure they sense the peace even if they never give a second thought to why that peace exists. It's not something we talk about.

I am literally a different person than I was one year ago. I'm a better person, I believe, and I'm definitely happier. Letting go is difficult, but the rewards are great. I'm looking forward to even more work and more rewards as this new year of 2009 begins.

All of this could just be a bubble that will burst tomorrow or the next day. I don't know, and I'm not worrying about it. I am letting the future take care of itself. I will see how each day unfolds and follow the path of least resistance as the doors continue to open.

I am very grateful.