The Shoemaker's Wife

This has to be about the best book I've read in a really, really long time. And I mean, the best in every way. Story, characters, structure and  the writing style of a master.

As the quote on the cover says, 'utterly splendid'. Not a sour note anywhere. And, can you believe the cover photo is from Harper's Bazaar, 1949? It is timeless.

Interestingly enough, the story has a basis in reality (don't they all?). The author's grandparents were born in the Alps of Northern Italy, as the main characters in this book are, and it's clearly written with intimate knowledge of the towns and topography of that area. Not to mention a more than passing knowledge of Italian food! Everything rings true -- well, aside from some convenient meetings between the two characters in New York City. But that's not enough to spoil it in any way.

So read it -- you'll love it.

Movie Poster for Jayne Mansfield's Car

Lest you forget, the 'town' in this movie is Cedartown, so I've been keeping my eye open for news of a possible release date. It was in the Berlin Film Festival earlier this year, and I'd think that Billy Bob would want to get it out before the end of this year so he'd be eligible for the Oscars. In scouring the web once more today, I found this.

So, it finally has a poster, which led the movie site from which I stole this to hope it would be released soon.

Also found this on an article discussing the cameras used in the film -- good old Main Street, in Cedartown.

In true Hollywood fashion, my guess is that it'll be released on at least a limited basis in this country late this  year. I wonder if there is still some discussion about having some kind of premiere here in Cedartown? If so, it's being kept mum. But then, I'm hardly in the loop for these things!

Life is good again

In case anybody's wondering, after a good night's sleep and a productive day, I am relaxed and content, chowing down on some good old pasta ajo y ojo (olive oil and butter, plus copious amounts of garlic and freshly grated parmesan) hot off the stove. Yum.

Went to our local state employment office and was pleasantly surprised to see how much these places have changed since the last time I visited one, in Oregon. Not packed with people. Everything done on a computer except the interview, for which I did not have to wait more than a few minutes. Turns out I'm eligible (if approved) for more $$ than I expected. I told the woman I didn't expect I'd get approved because of the two angry employers, and she said it wasn't all up to them. I told her what happened yesterday and she smiled, told me to tell the person who'd call with final authority exactly what I'd told her. Especially the words 'get out!', and that I was trying to the best of my ability. So, we'll see. It'll take a few weeks to be approved or denied, but if I get it, it'll be retroactive. She also gave me a couple of good websites for job searches that I didn't know about.

Then, WallyWorld, the library, and to Kroger, where I posted a flyer I made this morning offering free-lance bookkeeping services. May or may not do any good, but it can't hurt.

My nice, clean paid for car! And no, all those odd dotted black lines do not exist in reality. They are merely a figment of my camera's vivid imagination. Maybe the glare from the shine was simply too much for it to handle. And the sun's hiding so the shine doesn't stand out all that much.  I should have taken a 'before' shot, for contrast. But trust me, it's clean.

And then.....I came home and washed my car. I know, I'm as shocked as you are! I think I've washed it once, and not very thoroughly. It had a good cleaning late last summer by a detailer who did some work for us, but it was looking pretty rough. Now, it sparkles, at least on the outside. Didn't have the interest/energy for the inside, but that's not so bad.

And then.... I put the bike rack on it because my friend and ex-fellow-employee at the insurance agency (my ex-real estate agent) is coming over tomorrow morning and we're gonna explore the Chief Ladiga Trail in Alabama, I imagine. We'd talked about a leg that's about 13 miles over unknown terrain that I know to be largely rolling hills, so we're gonna do a car shuttle, leaving one at each end so we don't have to backtrack. That's part of the beauty of having two people -- along with the company and conversation, of course. We may do some other trail entirely, I have no clue, but that's the one we last talked about. It runs between Anniston, AL and the first parking area on the Georgia side of the state line, which is less than a mile from the state line.

So -- all of yesterday's ugliness is wiped out. History. Gone. The past.

Forks in the road

I was a little intrigued about my friend Dennis's comment on my last post regarding job change, and having taken the 'wrong' fork in the road a few times in his life. This happens to be something I've thought a lot about over my life, which has been filled with choices to be made, and often abrupt changes in direction.

I've often made poor employment decisions, for some reason. Maybe, as in this time, I was so desperate to get out of a bad situation, or merely desperate for a job of any kind, that I simply overlooked the red flags that popped up. I tend to be an optimist in those situations, thinking I can deal with anything. There are a few industries I've learned over the years to avoid: insurance, personal injury law, and property management, to mention three. Right there, I should have known better than to take this job. In fact, I did turn them down the first time they offered it, but was swayed with the second offer.

On the other hand, in more recent years since I've studied and practiced Buddhism, I've learned to open my mind and see that each situation we find ourselves in -- particularly situations that are less than pleasing -- are filled with opportunities to learn things we need to learn. I approached my last job that way, and truthfully, I think I learned the lessons I needed to learn there and can see the wisdom in needing to go into another situation where there is much to be learned. I just need to change my attitude, open my mind and heart. And little by little, I'm doing that.

But back to forks in the road. I've often wondered how different any of our lives would be if we had taken different forks along the road of life. We're offered choices on a regular basis -- smaller choices on a daily basis, larger choices less often. With a life filled with choices and changes the way mine has been, there have been countless opportunities to have taken different forks since I was 18. It's something I'll never know, of course, and I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it, but it's still an interesting philosophical question. I haven't regretted leaving many jobs in my day, but I have for many years regretted leaving my work in marketing at Beringer Vineyards. I left just before the company exploded in size, and the potential for growth was high. And, right after I left Napa (4 years after leaving Beringer) and moved to Atlanta, I heard through a friend that one of our suppliers had a job open that he wanted me to fill -- wonderful job I would have loved, paying $40,000 (a fair salary in 1986). It's not one of those things I spend time regretting, but it's one choice I'd certainly make differently if I could go back in time.

What are the forks in your life that would have you in a totally different place today? Think about it. My guess is that there are lots of them.

The effects of anger

I've just finishing transcribing a talk for my teacher, Sayalay Susila. This was a talk given at Bhavana last summer, and it really struck a nerve each time I read through it this time during the editing process, just as it did when I first heard it last August. If you're prone to doubt the validity of what she's saying in the following excerpts, consider anger in your own life, first. I have personally observed countless times in the last 6 or 7 years when anger you have inside really does affect others -- friends or strangers -- even though you think you are keeping it inside yourself. And vice versa, I know from experience (for the last two years at my last job, for one example), where being in the presence of an angry person can have an adverse effect on me. I'm sure you can find similar instances.

There was a time in Eugene when I had lots of anger, and I observed that even people I'd encounter hiking the opposite direction from me on a popular trail up a small mountain in the area reacted to me negatively. I'd wonder why these people seemed so unfriendly, even though I'd said or done nothing to them. In time, I reflected on this a great deal as I hiked that trail (which I did quite often), and then I began to really see and hear the internal dialogue, such as 'damn, noisy kids coming', or 'a loose dog coming'. I heard judgments that affected the way I felt about those strangers, and thus it was easy to see that my own anger and judging might be influencing their obvious avoidance of me.

So, I began to experiment. When I'd see someone coming, I'd let go of whatever angry or judging thoughts I might have about them, and smile. Inevitably, every person or group of persons I treated with a smile (an inner smile as well as a physical smile) would respond in a more positive way.  Although I no longer have as much anger in my life, I struggled early last year and the previous year to stop my habit of anger, or annoyance mostly, with something or other when I was inside a store. Inevitably, my bad mood would affect the person who checked me out.

As I continued to find success with breaking the pattern, I also broke the pattern of unpleasant responses from others.  So, read what Sayalay has to say here, and give it some thought before discounting the sense behind her words. I haven't asked her if I could do this, but since her purpose is to teach, I hope she does not object! Please note that English is not her first language (she speaks six or seven!), and that when I transcribe and edit her words I try to leave as much of her personality and manner of speech as possible. I correct grammar, sometimes rearrange sentences to flow a bit better, but strive to leave her words as untouched as I can.

"According to Buddha’s teachings, and according to Chinese medicine, all emotions, all unwholesome mental states, affect the organs of our body. For example, anger affects the liver. Fear affects the kidneys. Every unwholesome thought hurts the organs, the internal organs. If a person gets angry very often, then if you go and see a Chinese physician, they know your liver is no good.  Because of the anger, our health becomes affected. When you get very angry, this energy travels from the internal up to the external, and if your good friend happens to come along, the friend will quickly turn away because the energy is so unbearable, even though you do not scold your good friend. But when you get angry, no one will come to approach you because the internal fire element has spread out to the external.

 

"This also has been shown by one of the Japanese scientists called the Immortal Masaru. I think you all have heard about this book, Messages of Water. He took one cup of water and uttered good words, he said ‘I’m grateful’ to this water. Then he put some of that water under a microscope and saw that the water had become very beautiful crystals. At another time he took water and said ‘you fool’, and other harsh speech to this water, then he put the sample under the microscope and this water had deformed crystals. Very angry crystals. So, even the water, which we think is inanimate being, still responds to our emotions.  How about a human being, a plant, the sea, the mountains, the moon, the sun, and everything on earth? 

 "Buddha said, indeed, when man becomes extremely corrupt in thoughts and deeds the energy rushes from this extensive earth up to the orbit of the moon, the suns and stars, reaching even the realm of space and the whole organic world. Our unwholesome thought is responsible for the destruction of the world, for all the destructive weather that we have now, the earthquakes, the tsunami, the hurricanes and so on. In fact our unwholesome thought, the energy from our unwholesome thought, travels far and affects the whole organic world. These are consequences."

Think about that, next time you're angry, or next time you listen to one of the many talking heads ranting and raving on TV and radio. All that anger really does affect us, and our world.

Those darned ancestors!

I've spent a fair amount of quality time today scrolling through the 1940 census that was just released, looking for my parents and grandparents and such. Found them all, too, plus a bunch more. It's just entertainment for me at the moment.

Last week I had lunch with a cousin on my father's side who I haven't seen for about 50 years! She was eleven then, I was 18.  She's run circles around me when it comes to the details of genealogy on these people, and she had some stories to tell. A second marriage for my grandfather (which I heard from another older relative a few years back, but had no details about), and a scandal all wrapped up in it. The woman, as far as we can tell, was someone who worked on the beauty parlor side of the barber shop. Susie doesn't know the exact details, but it seems that the woman called herself 'divorced' when she wasn't, and my grandfather had the marriage annulled when he found out. Or something like that.  My grandfather was listed on the census with my father, my aunt and her oldest daughter. No wife! Although, I found the supposed wife listed in town, still working in a beauty parlor.

Tomorrow, I plan to visit the county courthouse and go through the marriage books for the appropriate years and see if I can find a record of his second marriage. Not quite sure how to go about finding a record of any annulment, but we'll deal with that when we come to it.

Susie also heard from her mother (my father's sister) that our grandfather was in the KKK! Not shocking for the time, but shocking to me in that this is my PaPa we're talking about! He was the light of my young life, the kindest, sweetest, gentlest man a person could ever imagine. In the Klan????? Yep, I'm shocked.

I found my grandmother on my mother's side living in Cedartown as a lodger, along with her oldest daughter. The other kids, my mother included, lived with their dad in Esom Hill. I found all kinds of other folks that have to be relatives, even though I didn't recognize all their names offhand. My mom's family has been in Esom for a couple of hundred years, and since all the early families intermarried, all the offspring over the generations are related.

I also found the family I bought my house from, living in the house in 1940! That was kind of cool, for some odd reason. Continuity, I guess.

I could have found more, I'm sure, but the entertainment value has waned for now.

Photos

OK folks, here are the photos as promised. I know you've all been waiting with bated breath!

Appalachian Trail thru-hikers crossing the bridge at the Nantahala Outdoor Center to continue their journey north.

Nantahala Falls - from a much better perspective than last time. It still doesn't look all that bad, but it remains the only rapid I ever swam, so there's more going on there than there would appear The people were stringing wires across the river, presumably in preparation for the big races that were to happen a couple of days later.

A foggy, but still beautiful, scene from the Blue Ridge Parkway.

See what I mean about steps? Try going up these about 10 times per day, not counting the times it's necessary to do the same with the interior stairs in the main building. Still, it's beautiful!

I absolutely love this laughing Buddha!

The meadow, showing a few small kuti huts and outdoor bath facilities.

I took a lot more photos, of course, but these will give you the idea. As you may know, I tend to get carried away with flowers and such, things that don't interest others all that much.

Yes, I'm still among the living

Been a busy and tired couple of days here. No photos today -- that'll have to wait until I get a chance to download them from the camera.

The retreat was great! Ayya Sobhana is incredible. I had the great joy and honor of having lunch with her and her Asheville host last Friday, before driving her to the retreat. I learned a lot about Aranya Bodhi, and we had a good chat about the possibility of my joining them. In the end, she invited me to do so when I can, which will be at least one year away. I'm planning to go out there in July for a couple of weeks, to see how I like it, and to meet the other members of the community.

At the end of the retreat, I realized that I am willing to endure any hardship in order to have the privilege of helping and learning from this woman, and no doubt from the other community members as well. I have no words to convey the respect and admiration I have for her.

Southern Dharma is a beautiful place -- which I've heard from many others who have been there. Deep in forests, far away from roads, houses, and the 'civilized' world. It's quiet, peaceful. Great for meditating. Spring was just beginning to burst forth -- I could almost watch the trees turn greener by the minute. Flowers everywhere. Warm weather after a couple of stormy days. I had two issues with the place, the first being that they don't have separate housing for men and women. Of the 6 rooms on my floor, 3 were occupied by men. That includes both bathrooms, which also service the third floor. I wasn't prepared for sharing this space with men I don't know, and found it uncomfortable. Secondly, there are stairs, and stairs, and stairs, which have to be traveled up and down 10-12 times every day! This old body rebelled at first. By the time I left, I could manage the last 2 or 3 steps to the meditation hall without having to pull myself up forcefully. Most of the time. Granted, it was good for me, but it wasn't fun.

That's it for now. Photos to follow one of these days.

She did!

I'm writing to you from beautiful Asheville, North Carolina, after a leisurely and picturesque drive through the Georgia and North Carolina mountains and, of course, an hour or so at the Nantahala Outdoor Center. I am psychologically unable to pass that place without crossing the bridge and letting it all soak in for awhile.

Today was much different than my December trip. The place is active now, preparing for the spring and summer whitewater season and for some kind of world freestyle kayak championship that's happening there this weekend. Also saw a surprising number of Appalachian Trail thru-hikers crossing the road and stopping to chat. It's a little early in the season, but then the season is also early this year.  It was in the low 70's, and balmy.  I spent about an hour, walking, sitting, enjoying.  Took lots of photos, but since bringing the computer was a last-minute decision, I didn't think to bring the cable that connects the two, so that'll have to wait until I get home.

After leaving the NOC I wandered to Bryson City where I had lunch at an Ingles supermarket (knew I could get food appropriate to my diet there), then followed signs to the Blue Ridge Parkway that took me on an old highway going toward Asheville, through the casino town of Cherokee, up a big hill and onto the Parkway for 10 miles or so. Right past the first opportunity to get off it, there was a sign that said "Asheville, 58 miles" right after that there was another sign that said "road closed 37 miles", so I opted to turn around and pick up the interstate again. I was getting a little bored with the Parkway anyway. Some beautiful views here and there, but mostly highway. Glad I did it, though.

Yesterday was crazed. Heard from Sobhana, the teacher, that she had a change of plans and would not be at the retreat center Thursday afternoon or Friday morning to meet with me. She hooked me up with a woman here in Asheville who is hosting her, which is why I'm actually in Asheville. There was no need to come here to get to the retreat -- just have to backtrack for awhile. We've worked it out so that I will meet the two of them for lunch tomorrow, then I will drive Sobhana to the retreat. That'll give us time to talk about Aranya Bodhi. I brought the computer so I could stay in touch with them (although she has my phone number now), research my way around Asheville, etc.

The weather and season up here are just beautiful. Misty and overcast in places, sunny in places, but I passed a long stretch of hillside in the Nantahala Gorge that had Trillium blooming thickly all along the highway. I've never in my life seen so much Trillium blooming in one place! Beautiful. And the state has planted daffodils thickly in places along the interstate -- seemed to be mostly at interchanges, exits, and such, but it was nice. They're a little behind our season at home, but that's to be expected. Should be wonderful at the retreat center for this week -- deep in the forests, quiet, lots of walking places.

Obviously, the car got a clean bill of health from the dealer, or I wouldn't be here.

Guess that's really it for a week, this time. Talk at you then.

The question before us today is....

....can Kitty live on social security alone. I think I can, and I think I'm about to find out.  I spent a lot of time with my friend Quicken yesterday, looking at my total average monthly expenses and income, and I was surprised to see just how close I am to being 'financially independent', if poor.  You'd never know it -- it's not as if I have gobs of money left over every month -- but I've been spending in a fairly profligate manner for awhile and still managing to add a bit to savings. 

I'll have to cut back spending on unnecessary stuff, and even on food, but I knowingly 'waste' a lot of money every month on food that my body really shouldn't consume, things I 'want' rather than 'need' to eat. That can change. I'm giving myself a month or two to see if I can actually live on what's leftover from my SS check after basic expenses come out. I can't do much about the extra gas cost for commuting, but I can factor that into how well I do at the end of the month.

I'd also have to payoff my car, but I could do that easily enough. The payment isn't large, but it's too large for my SS income alone.  And we're  headed into summer, where utilities won't be such an issue. I'll have to plan for that in colder seasons, of course. I have no idea what I'll do about getting a roof on the house, but I'll deal with that when the time comes.  I'm going to work another couple of months, at least, to put away a few more $$.

The job stresses me terribly. I'm tense and anxious almost all the time, particularly when I'm at work but also when I'm home theoretically relaxing. I'm depressed, too, and it mostly comes back to the job. I can and will apply Buddhist tactics to the issue, but I think that as long as I have to actually show up three days per week, it won't change much. I can make it easier, but let's face it. I'm not a young woman and I've worked since I was around 21 --- about 48 years. I'm tired. Physically tired (tension and stress will do that to you) and tired of working. I want to stay home, work in my garden, and meditate. And not a whole lot more.

I think it's time.