Saturday, December 13, 2014

Carb crazy

I don't know why it is, but my appetite has been running a bit crazy since I returned from California. Not for quantity, so much, but for specific things. It's called craving, folks, and this time I'm not doing much of anything to stop it. Other than refusing to go to the market on a whim. So far.

It's not because I was hungry down there, or because the food wasn't tasty, because neither of those is the case. Food there is generally quite different from the way I generally eat, but I tend to think that's a good thing -- adds some much-needed variety to my diet. And it's good and plentiful. No hunger.

I'm not really sure what's going on here, but it seems to be a craving for various kinds of comfort food: muffins baked from whatever I have on hand, hot biscuits with oozy fried eggs, a Mexican-inspired bake with refried beans, fried eggs, cheese and sauce baked atop a flour tortilla. Notice it all revolves around something baked and full of carbs. It could be merely my usual winter urge to bake, but it seems deeper. I haven't spent a huge amount of time wondering about it, but my normal strong awareness of what's happening in my mind takes over and some dissection just happens, all by itself.

So -- it could be wanting to bake in cold weather just to warm up the house, but that doesn't fly because after the first few days home the weather turned mild. Not an excuse. I suspect it's due to a lingering depression that's been threatening for a long while, and really manifested while I was down south. This week hasn't helped. I'm still not allowing myself to get caught up in it -- just being aware that it's there, observing -- but it's the likeliest culprit to the appetite issue. Also the likely culprit to me not even trying to resist the cravings. Of course, it could also simply be the sheer comfort and joy I get from the act of baking, itself. I love to bake. Anything. And there are just times when we have to find comfort and joy where we can.

Whatever it is, it is impermanent, like everything else in this life, including this life. It will pass. I just need to try and up my exercise level in the meantime to keep all these carbs off my belly. :)

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