Is it over yet?

I seem to have to re-learn this every year. There was a time when I knew that I was going to dread this season and everything about it, and that I would be depressed whether I wanted to or not (I called it the Holiday Blues, which is quite fitting). I was never able to control it -- full awareness of what was happening didn't help. I just needed to grit my teeth and know that by January 1st (probably by December 26th) it would all go away.

In recent years, probably due to my meditation practice and studies, I find that I no longer expect things to be terrible during the holidays, even though I still have to grit my teeth and ignore all the hoopla and even that gets easier each year. But, every year I am now taken by surprise when it happens right under my nose. This isn't a case of expectations becoming reality, because I don't even think about it until things get bad enough that I can no longer stick my head in the sand and pretend it's not happening. Friends, it's happening! The good news about all this is that once recognized as the Holiday Blues, I can see a definite light at the end of the tunnel. Another week, maybe two, and those blues will lift. Hallelujah!

Don't even ask what's behind this, because I don't have a real answer. It goes back decades, and while I've certainly given it plenty of thought over those decades, answers are vague and elusive. I can see possibilities of a beginning going back to early childhood, when well-meaning relatives would offer up a gift couched as 'birthday and Christmas'. I felt gypped. I felt a lot of things I really don't want to go into here. Nowadays, the adult in me is no longer bothered by such things, but that hurt kid is still alive and well. Whatever.

One more week. One more week. One more week.