Decisions and Indecisions

So torn today about how long to stay here in Oregon. I know, I know, you thought that issue was more or less settled. So did I. If I had managed to buy a house, the issue would indeed be settled, but that wasn't in the cards, I'm afraid.

And in reality, nothing has changed other than that I'm not in such a big hurry to go, psychologically, and the fact that I feel a need to rebuild my bank account before I stop working. It's the latter that's hanging me out to dry today. I mean -- I could stay here into infinity watching the numbers add up, but then, where does it end? How much is 'enough'?

If I'm going to wait past May, then I might as well wait until after Labor Day -- fewer people and kids on the road, and the shipping rates will go back down, thereby saving me a few bucks. I could, of course, ignore all that and just wait until I have whatever amount of moolah feels like 'enough' to me at the time, and then go, assuming there was an apartment available. Part of me would like to go tomorrow, but that really isn't possible. May 1 is still the earliest, financially, and let's face it, there are only a couple of more weeks before I'll have to decide that one, so I can give notice on the apartment, and my job. Not sure I'm ready for that -- but who knows, perhaps I will be by then.

But then, there's my mother's sister and her daughter who are planning to visit me in Georgia sometime in August. They were planning to make the trip before they knew I planned to move back down yonder, so it wouldn't inconvenience them, merely disappoint them. Still, it would be nice to see them -- haven't seen them since I was 14, and that was a really, really long time ago. They're the only living relatives I have, other than distant and unknown cousins scattered hither and yon.

But then again, summer is, after all, the best season in Oregon and in a way it would be a shame to miss it. Then again, I've looked forward to really warm weather and psychologically, I'd really like to get settled someplace. Anyplace.

In case you can't tell, I'm in limbo, and not liking it all that well.

Still -- there are some gorgeous places in Oregon that I haven't seen and a few places in this area (Mt. Rainier comes to mind) that I'd like to see once more, so maybe sticking around with a car and doing some of these things makes some kind of sense.

But then there's the apartment here in Eugene. I'm not far from campus and last year some really noisy, party-hearty students took over a large home nearby and I don't really want to deal with them for another summer. As long as my windows are closed, most of the din is blocked out. Not a problem this time of year (and yes, they've been out there lately even in cold weather), but once things start to warm up, I'll want the windows open. I'm a fresh-air kind of gal, not an A/C kind of gal. There's always a chance they'll decamp once the term is over, but I had the same thoughts last year around this time, and no such luck. If anything, it got even worse.

And of course, there is always the WORK factor to throw into the equation. Saving money means continuing to work full time at the same job -- some days that sounds OK, others, like today, are more frustrating and sound absolutely impossible.

No good reason to stay. No good reason to go. Alas. Welcome to the workings of my mind for today and be grateful you are not inside it!

What to do, what to do????? I know. Y'all don't have any answers, either. I just need to cogitate on it for a few days, see if I can't reach some kind of answer that works. Wish me luck.