Life goes on after emotional losses, which is a good thing. Adam will always be a part of my heart, and there is no one else to fill the empty hole he left behind. But rather than let myself slip into a depression, I used my Buddhist training to let go, to not hold on to the past, or to current emotions. I still miss him -- especially right now when the Ducks have both the men and women in March Madness with the women likely to win the whole shebang. I can't help but think 'Adam would have loved this', and I allow myself that moment, then move on. Such things happen all the time, but are lessening.
Last week, after a bunch of nice days when I wanted to get out on the bike but didn't feel safe on my old one any longer (bike was sound, this old body less sound, and getting on and off it was so difficult that I was in danger of falling during both processes). So I took it to the local bike shop and traded it in on a model I've been wanting since November or December. It had to be ordered, but was ready on Saturday and I took the bus downtown Sunday morning (brrrrrrr, the warm sunny days had hightailed it elsewhere) to pick it up and ride it home. It's quite a lot different from other bikes I've had in my life, so I was a little teetery at times getting used to it, but the streets were quiet and the bike path not too far away. I made it home after a rather nice 40 minute ride along the river, getting used to my new toy.
This is where it lives in my house, so not the best place to get a photo. Nicest thing is that it has smaller wheels (not as small as they look in this photo, only slightly smaller than my old bike) and a forward crank, designed so the rider can easily and safely put their foot on the ground while sitting in the saddle. That takes away one bit of unsteadiness for me, in starting and stopping. The frame is low, so is easy to step through getting on and off, which takes away the rest of the unsteadiness. The forward crank is different, uses slightly different muscle sets. And the handlebars are higher than I've ever had. But again, my body no longer liked the lower handlebars, so this was another reason to choose this bike. The steering feels quite different, probably because of the higher handlebars, maybe because of the smaller wheels. I don't know the dynamics of such things. I like the forward crank because a good push forward on the pedal gets the bike moving nicely from a stop, while I sit comfortably on the seat. Seven gears, all of which are smooth and cover my needs (though I opted not to try to cross any of the bike bridges that require going up a ramp, until I get used to it).
One important factor in choosing the color was that it blend into my living room, since it has to live there. I think that worked out fairly well. I kind of wanted a bright yellow one, but that would not have blended into anything.
Naturally, the weather has turned foggy and chilly in the mornings and by afternoons I haven't had the energy to get out there. So it sits. But there is plenty of good weather coming and I'll be ready when it arrives.
I seem to have been bitten by an insect on my neck/throat sometime before yesterday, which is when I first noticed it. And, on Monday I had zero energy, took three naps during the day and felt like I've felt in the past when some major infection was about to take hold of my body. I connected the two yesterday, rightly or wrongly. I suspect that whatever bit me injected something into my body (it bit right on a little vein, according to a neighbor who's a nurse) and that fatigue was caused by my immune system fighting off this unfamiliar intruder. At least, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I've hardly been out of the house, so not sure where I could have picked up a critter to bite me, unless it was on the bike trip home. Something blown in the breeze. I am feeling better daily, so I suspect that by the time the weather improves I'll feel like riding again.
Be well and safe out there, everybody. Take precautions.
