Only two weeks in....

All of two weeks into this Vassa thing, and I'm already chafing at the restrictions I placed upon myself. I sometimes resist the need to meditate, and more and more feel the urge for 'just one computer game'. But -- for the time being, at least, I ignore both, sit on the cushion as scheduled, and don't click on the games icons.

I think for the first time this is actually giving me a small look inside the discipline every person, male or female, has to have when they ordain as a monastic, and at how much they have to give up. The men live by over 300 rules that affect every aspect of their lives, and the women (who are presumably temptations for the men and must avoid that) live by over 600, if I'm remembering my numbers correctly. They relinquish pretty much everything from their layperson lives, including money and possessions.

I've given up things when I've stayed at a monastery, whether for a week or several months, but most of it never bothered me because about all that really frustrated me was lack of entertainment (TV, radio) and lack of occasional wine or beer. I didn't eat dinner, but for some reason that's something that has never really been difficult for me. And I've mostly had my computer for the entertainment value that provides.

Observing all this within my mind is fascinating. I'm forced to make choices, reaffirm my intentions, on a daily basis, and this forces me to look deeper, think more about what I'm observing of my own mind. One thing most Buddhist meditators can agree upon is that the human mind is never boring, if you really watch how it works. It can be frustrating, but not boring. Training it is not easy, but the rewards are great and worth the effort, because the effort to not give in to either craving (playing computer games) or aversion (not wanting to meditate) does train the mind to let go of both those unwholesome actions. Craving and aversion are at the heart of what, in Buddhist philosophy, causes unhappiness in our lives, and the more we can let go of them, the happier we are. I can attest to that, certainly.

So, I continue, discovering in the smallest possible way just what my monastic friends experience every day of their lives, to a much higher degree. It's a worthy experiment.