It was kind of a "duh" moment.....with huge ramifications

The type of Buddhism I follow is a called Vipassana, or Theravada. The term has been somewhat Americanized as 'Insight Meditation' for use in countless books and a couple of wonderful meditation centers on the east and west coasts. The practice comes from the original core of the Buddha's teachings as transmitted for 2,500 years in the Theravadan tradition of Thailand, Burma and other southeast Asia countries, as opposed to the Buddhism of the north such as Tibetan Buddhism, and is very different from Zen Buddhism.  There are, of course, different methods taught even within the terms Vipassana and Theravada but I'm not here to go into those. All have the same goal and the differences are minor.

The Buddha did not wish to be considered a god, or to be worshiped.  He offered a philosophy, a way of life that would lead to happiness.  Thus, the practice is suitable for people who follow any religion, or no religion. At the Vipassana center in Onalaska, Washington where I attended my first 10-day silent teaching, a Catholic nun was among the students and, in fact, it is common for nuns to join these groups.  There is most certainly an order of monks and nuns living and teaching at Theravadan monasteries around the world, but suffice it to say that for me, and for many followers of Vipassana, Theravada or Insight Meditation, Buddhism is not a religion. It is, however, deeply spiritual.

We focus on the breath as a way to hone our concentration and still our bodies and minds.  Once we've managed to do that, we observe the thoughts that arise as we sit quietly. We call it awareness. You'd be surprised at just how powerful it can be to sit with yourself in silence, once the monkey chattering of mind-thoughts is quelled.  Beyond these basics, there are many more advanced meditations one can use to focus upon specific questions or life issues.

The ultimate goal of all this is liberation -- understanding ourselves and our life from deep inside through the experience of meditation, and attaining the peace that comes with that.  Now, beyond this we can go a step further if we wish, to the more 'woo-woo' philosophies such as rebirth, where the belief is that we each have a consciousness that lives on when we die, and which will continue to be reborn into another body (human or otherwise) until it is fully liberated and is free from the process of rebirth. In one theory, we choose our parents because those parents will provide us with the greatest opportunity to learn the lesson we incarnate in order to learn. Please don't fault me on syntax here -- I'm trying to find the simplest explanation of my personal philosophies, not speak for any one group as a whole.

Over the years I've made great strides in understanding myself and my life.  I've seen parts of the puzzle for years and over the past couple of years even when I haven't been meditating much, little pieces have fallen into place. I understand why I had the parents I had and why the details of my life happened as they did and why it was all necessary.  I even understood how they were all related.  I had the pieces -- but what did they mean? Now that I've been meditating regularly once more, and after a month or so spent simply with the basics of breathing and concentration, I've begun asking questions again and on Monday I had that Eureka! moment when it all clicked together.  I got it! 

It was the most amazing moment, and of course the answer was so simple, in the end.  Am I liberated?  Not by a long shot.  But I now know (or think I know) what the lesson is, and knowing the lesson one can take steps to put it into practice.  It won't be easy.  After all, I've honed this trait for a good 68 years in this lifetime, whether or not there are previous lifetimes to consider.  It's the primary urge/meaning of my life and it's what has brought me so much sorrow.

Once I began realizing just what it meant and thinking differently about my life, the proverbial heavy weight on my shoulders seemed to lighten.  Contentment flashed.  It's not a permanent condition, yet, and probably won't be for a long time.  But now that I understand, I can turn my thoughts in the right direction again and again until it becomes permanent.  That's what it's all about. And it's a really big deal.