Life is good

Didja think I fell off the face of the earth? For awhile, I kinda thought I had done just that, or was at least on the brink of doing so.

I struggled for the first week and a half -- seriously struggled with energy (lack thereof). We made numerous trips into Santa Rosa, often leaving early in the morning and arriving back late at night. Plus cooking (which I am coming to enjoy more and more) and general life.

But -- a couple of days ago I began to notice that magical moment when the energy was returning, when I no longer needed to crash right after lunch. I knew the moment would come -- it always does, as the body hardens up to meet new physical demands -- but there were days when I wasn't sure I was gonna outlast it.

Having some serious computer (software, thank you very much Microsoft!) issues that threatened (and may still threaten) the ability for the computer to function, hasn't helped. I've never made a secret about how much I dislike techie stuff, and how uncomfortable I am with it. But, I make gains. A couple of downloads this morning that were supposed to help. And disconnecting Word as my email editor. That seemed to be the biggest holdup over the past couple of days, so we'll see what happens in the future. I have over 2 weeks left here, so I need to keep it working. Internet is still slow, but functioning. Only time will tell for the rest.

Life here is good, despite the difficulties. It doesn't hurt that we have had a long spate of hot, sunny days with good breezes. Perfect weather. And it doesn't hurt that the last two afternoons we drove to Windsor (north of Santa Rosa) along the Russian River through some very beautiful and very excellent vineyards and wineries. My heart sings at the vineyards, and my palate resounds at certain winery signs, such as Sonoma-Cutrer. Not sure just what memory that reflected, but it was a good one. Maybe I just know they make a really, really good chardonnay, or maybe my palate remembers just how good it was when I had some.

I'm getting used to handwashing a couple of t-shirts every couple of mornings (I don't have many with me because I expected 'normal' cooler weather). Lunches have mostly been pretty good, if I may say so. Today I fixed what was supposed to be a frittata, but which seemed more like a Spanish omelet to me -- lots of potatoes. I've made lots of frittatas in my day, but never one without an oven, so I had to use my friend Google to learn how to do it on the stovetop. Also fixed some roasted red pepper/garlic salad, which is one of my favorite things. I cook on two big camp stoves, with serious BTUs, and it's fun to roast the peppers right over the flames.

So now it's time to put away the lunch dishes, and turn to bookkeeping. Life is good.

Sweet sunset

Now, this is what it's all about, folks! We drove into Santa Rosa on Sunday and as we headed home from Bodega, the sun was putting on quite a show. Ayya suggested we stop for a minute -- a great way to relax after a long day.

I'm actually in Santa Rosa again at the moment. Ayya had to come in for some ceremonies today and tomorrow at the new Vihara, and while I was offered a very nice private room, I opted for a motel, so I can do anything I want to do at any given moment without worrying about proper protocol.  I have no clue what I'm supposed to do at the Vihara much of the time, and it's too easy to do the wrong thing simply from that ignorance. Besides that, I've been really, really, tired -- no chance to recover from that loooooog day of travel before jumping right in and driving in to do loads of laundry (not alone -- Ayya always helps and does more than her share), then take over the daily cooking and kitchen cleanup chores. In short, I'm pooped! Shortly after the above photo was taken, after we passed Jenner but hadn't reached our road, I felt that old, familiar feeling of 'hitting the wall', which is a term I first learned way back in 1983 while I was training for my Colorado bike ride. What it means is that the body literally runs out of energy to continue. I recognized what was happening, told Ayya, but assured her I was ok to get us home. It was dicey on our narrow, twisty, bumpy road, but while I may have been a bit loopy, no harm came to anything.

Still -- I'm pooped. And since I made such a big fuss about needing to have the oil changed in the truck, that was part of my day -- I had to wait 3 hours (2 promised), and didn't get to my motel until almost 6:30. And I was supposed to have a restful afternoon! So yes, I'm still pooped. Fortunately, I've been able to mostly be aware of all the mental fussing I've been doing based around the body fatigue, and was mostly able to let go of it, at least for that moment. And once I wind down, I'll be hitting the sheets. And I can stay here all morning if I wish -- will pick her up around noon for the return trip home.


It's a hard life, no doubt about it. But if I continue to work through the issues I'm still sure I can and want to make this work. I will not give up this time. The rewards are so wonderful. The forest heals. The sunshine heals. That beautiful ocean and beaches and sunsets heal. It all offsets the difficulty. I think.

Home, again

For me, there is something miraculous that happens when my flight is say, about an hour out of San Francisco. It's not intentional, it just happens. Anticipation starts to build, and it's anticipation filled with joy and much, much more. My heart soars and the feeling gets stronger and stronger as the plane gets closer and closer. I'm coming home. My heart is coming home -- to its spiritual home. I've considered that city to be my spiritual home for over 40 years now -- during the times I was lucky enough to live there, and as strongly in the times I lived elsewhere.

This is home. And it feels like home. My heart is happy and at ease in a way that it never is 'at home' in Georgia.

I had to laugh once I left the gate and entered the SFO concourse yesterday, because the first thing that hit my senses was the smell of good -- no, make that wonderful -- food. What else would you expect in San Francisco, even at the airport?

At the moment, we are in a laundromat in Guerneville doing many loads of laundry to try and rid it of mold and mildew smell. This is an experience all in itself. Sixty dollars in quarters so far. Welcome to California.

Yesterday was a comedy of errors from beginning to end, yet in each incident I was able to let go of worrying, let go of any fear around each ' what if' that came along. Made for a calm and peaceful day amidst snags.

I got to the Atlanta airport and checked my bags, got my boarding pass, headed to the gate, waited for a flight to load and then the next departing flight was not to SFO so I asked at the counter and it turned out that my ticket was for a flight leaving that night at 9:55 pm, instead of 9:55 am. Luckily, Delta had another non-stop flight leaving an hour later, and she got me on it, got my checked bag re-routed, and all I had to do was walk to the end of that terminal, take the train under the runway to the other terminal, then go almost to the end (gate 5 of 18). But I was on.  The flight got in around 1:05, the Sonoma Airporter bus I needed to catch left at 1:30. I dashed from the plane to the baggage, where my bag didn't come out until maybe the third load. I was just happy to see that it got onto the plane! I grabbed it, looked at my watch: 1:28. I thought, no way I can get out there in time -- but also no way I can't try. So backpack on the back, heavy computer bag in one hand, heavy, big duffel in the other, I moved as fast as I could toward the door that led to the street crossing for the shuttles. I got there 30 seconds before the bus!

Then, the driver told me he wouldn't get to Sonoma Airport in time for me to catch my bus to Jenner, because of freeway construction slowdowns. I relaxed, knowing I had a back-up plan for a ride, and content to wait and see if I would make the connection. He, in the meantime, had devised another plan. At his last stop before the Airport, he told me he was going to go off his route and drop me at the Santa Rosa Transit Mall, where I would be able to catch the bus! He stopped at a corner and I had to hustle off the bus quickly with all bags, then walk a block or so, but what great thing to do! From there, I waited around 20 minutes in the breezy sunshine, then enjoyed one of those 'California only' experiences. A small bus, local people (interesting local people), headed to Mendocino eventually. Laid back, fun. We drove through the rolling hills to Bodega, then headed north along the coast (and yes, my heart really did soar, then) to Jenner. The driver dropped me at the end of the private road that comes up here, a few miles north of Jenner, where Ayya Sobhana was waiting for me. A wonderful day of potential 'disasters' that all had happy endings.

Weather here is fabulous. Warm and sunny, the coastal fog far, far out at sea. It won't last forever and is most unusual for this time of year, but nobody is complaining.

Curry -- my latest food obsession

Today's effort, served over brown rice

I've never had much curry, outside the occasional Indian restaurant. Never thought a great deal about that lack until last April when the cook at Southern Dharma served two very different curry sauces for use over rice during the course of the two retreats. At that point, I was sold and should have asked him for some tips. Instead, I tried an online recipe that turned out to be less than interesting. A week or so ago I did a little more searching and found a really basic recipe. Long story short -- a couple of days ago I tried it, and liked it. Thus obsessed, I tried it again today with some additions and liked it, but maybe not quite as much. 

The basic recipe called for 1 cup coconut milk or whole cow's milk, 1 Tbsp curry powder, salt, and a Tbsp of butter. Can't get much simpler than that. When I made it, I used 3/4 cup coconut milk because that's what I had leftover in the freezer, topped it up with whole milk. I used coconut oil instead of butter, for no real reason. I also chopped up some green onions (didn't have any regular onions), a little fresh ginger (all I had left) and some garlic and sauteed those before adding the spices and milk. Once finished it was tasty, but I found that adding more curry powder made it even tastier.

Here's today's efforts. You know I had to photograph this!

I sauteed the onions in coconut oil until they were good and soft and had begun to form a thick liquid.

 

Then I added a bunch of finely minced fresh ginger and garlic, two of my favorite ingredients for about everything.

Red curry paste and curry powder

I added some Thai red curry paste because I had it, leftover from the recipe I didn't like. I still can't say it added much of anything to the end result, other than changing the color. Next time, I'll omit it altogether. I also added more curry powder, but since each brand is different, another brand might require more or less.

A little fresh cilantro from the garden, just because I noticed how it had shot up over the past few days from seedling to harvest size.

Then, all that's left is to let it simmer until the onions and such get nice and soft and the flavors all meld. I've been serving it over brown rice, as it is, but I'm convinced it would make a good protein-rich meal with the addition of tofu. I'd have tried that, but I bought some at Kroger awhile back (probably for that online recipe I didn't like) and it wasn't very fresh despite being a good week away from its sell-by date. All they had was their own brand, so I bought it against my better judgment just because that's all there was. No more! Next time, back to a name brand I know even if I have to drive to WalMart to get it.

Final product at top of page -- and enough sauce left for another day. I'm guessing this would be pretty good with about anything -- meats, veggies, whatever.

The joys of old age

I'm beginning to get better insights into how my body reacts/recovers after being really tired (from all the long driving trips and retreats of the past few months, specifically).

I've long seen that it just takes awhile to recover once I'm back home, or even on the first leg of the trip when I arrive at my destination. What I haven't fully realized is that while I feel enough better after a few days to think I've recovered, that really isn't the case. That second phase, if  you will, takes longer.

This most recent trip to Bhavana is a good case in point. Long drive up there, a short retreat, long drive home. I've been home not quite two weeks now, but have been thinking that first recovery was as good as it was going to get, and wondering why I was still so fatigued. I put it down to increased cardio, but that still didn't make sense because I wasn't doing enough to account for the level of fatigue.

Yesterday, second day of increasing the time spent on the cycle machine, I felt great, drove to Rome, did my errands, came home, had plenty of energy all morning, took a nice nap after lunch and felt great the rest of the day. Today, I increased the time on the machine by 10 minutes, and I still feel great. I seem to be swinging back into the relaxed routine -- sleeping a bit better at night, napping naturally during the day -- definitely feeling better all day.

I can only chalk this up to additional time for recovery. Nothing else has changed. Looking back, I know it took awhile to feel good after past trips -- I just didn't pick up on the pattern. This is good news. I can expect this pattern also when I arrive at the Hermitage, but can relax with the knowledge that it'll pass soon enough. It seems that last year my body was feeling much less fatigued the last few days before I left (although my mind was not happy!).

Ahhhhhhhhh -- the joys of old age.

On the road -- AGAIN!

First, let me say that I am so proud of my little car! Even as it approaches 90,000 miles it continues to get such wonderful gas mileage. On this last trip with three fillups, mileages were: 38.45, 38.52 and 39.49mpg! The latter was actually the first tank, when I was driving easily in the early morning hours headed northeast. The last two covered heavy slow/fast and even stop and go traffic during the next half of the trip north, and a slightly heavier foot on the pedal all the way home. I'm getting braver, edging that speed up just a tad and hoping the vigilant Virginia cops leave me alone. So far, so good. If I didn't have this car -- or another car with equally good mileage -- I'd never be able to afford all these trips I take.

My next trip, however, is going to take me further and faster -- as in a big old jet from Atlanta to San Francisco. I returned home to find my dear friend Ayya Sobhana left alone at the hermitage with only one lay woman to help, and many construction and maintenance projects underway. The other bhikkhunis are staying elsewhere for the next few months while all this is going on, so I felt that I had to find a way to help her out. I can do more of the financial stuff from there, and more to help her with various elements of project management. I am already doing more from here, but in a few weeks there are no more lay women scheduled to visit and help. Someone must prepare her food and drive her from time to time -- the monastic orders do not allow her to do these things for herself.

That said, I'll be leaving here August 14 and returning September 17. Cold weather, rodents, mold and all the chaos be damned! It'll also be a really good opportunity for me to determine whether or not I will be able to go there to stay, as I've been considering once again. This is going to be tougher than last year -- the 'kitchen' is outdoors, soon to be covered by a large canopy that I just ordered for them. Two big Coleman camp stoves do the work. Water is nearby -- don't know if it's been plumbed to the temporary kitchen or not. But, I've cooked meals in the woods for myself many times, using a simple one-burner backpacking stove, so I can do this. All that's needed is filling and nutritious food -- nothing fancy.

So, it's going to be an adventure -- one I'm looking forward to. This time I'm taking some good cold weather clothing, even though that will require checking a bag and thus more $$. But the comfort will be worth it.

Home from the hills

I'm getting better at this traveling thing! Last month, when I drove home from Bhavana it took me almost exactly 12 hours -- but I made stops for breakfast and a late lunch (I was pooped and needed a break and some heavy refueling). Driving up there last Sunday -- in horrendous traffic and nasty thunderstorms for the last 3 hours, it took 11 hours. I took food in the car, so only needed to stop for gas and bathroom breaks. Driving home yesterday, I made it in 10.5 hours -- again, I had food stashed in the car (stopped at a grocery store early on for some cheese and a bathroom break), and blessedly light traffic that allowed me to move steadily along all day. I left there at 11:05am, arrived home at 9:35 pm. Better yet, with each trip I find that I'm less and less tired afterwards. My body is adjusting. That bodes well for whatever long trips may be in my future.

Had a great trip. Finally, a retreat taught by the irreplaceable Bhante Gunaratana. I've met and talked to him on previous visits, listened to some short talks, but never an actual retreat taught by him. This was worth whatever the cost in terms of time and money. I was planning to leave yesterday early, before breakfast, but on the previous day they asked me to assist with a ceremony that would take place yesterday morning. I was honored to be asked, so of course I stayed, leaving right after the ceremony, before lunch. This was for the Eight Lifetime Precepts, which I took two years ago. The ceremony requires a female, preferably a nun, to put a medallion necklace around the neck and tie a string bracelet around the wrist of the women taking the precepts. I was apparently the only female onsite who had previously taken these precepts, and that made me marginally more appropriate to the cause than a female who hadn't taken them. I was careful not to attach any sense of pride or ego from this, but I have to tell you it was really, really cool to sit up front next to Bhante G and perform these rituals! Photos were taken during the ceremony using my camera. I'll eventually post more on the CintaSpeaks site, but here's one.

Yours truly -- with a woman I happened to already know and Bhante G looking on. Priceless! Definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me.

I'm still a bit brain-loopy, so further words will need to wait. I will say that more travel may be in my immediate future -- as in airline travel to San Francisco. Stay tuned to details as I get them.

To old friends

A dear, old friend of mine was recently named 'Artist in Residence' for the America's Cup competition underway in San Francisco. One of the nicest people I have ever met, Jim is not only a talented artist, but also an accomplished sailboat racer (now retired from that) and owned a successful sail loft that catered to racing for many years (also now retired). These days, in his 80's, he enjoys his life and paints, which is what he loves best.  This self portrait shows the merry glee and goodness that are so much a part of his personality.

Check out this article in Diablo Magazine for some of Jim's America's Cup work, and links to more. He's a true treasure, and I am so honored to have been a friend for over 40 years now. I even have an original deWitt sketch that's about that old.

Butterflies

Listen up, everybody. This is an important question.  How does a butterfly get through the fine meshed bird netting that covers one of my garden beds? During the past several days I've freed numbers of them, when I've seen them floundering against the net from the inside, trying to escape. It's a mystery to me.

I'm back from retreat. Kind of. Let's say I'm edging back. Officially, I'm not 'back' until tomorrow, but I put a hole in the proverbial dam yesterday when I answered an email from the bhikkhunis in California that I wanted to chime in on immediately, as it concerned me and some new duties I'm taking on. Once that was done, the hole just kept growing and emails have now been flowing as normal. But, I'm still being silent otherwise, still sticking with the meditation schedule and work schedule and the monastic precepts (no evening meal and no entertainment, primarily).

And, since I took the plunge last week and signed up for a formal jhana retreat at Bhavana next week (as opposed to the informal one I've been doing here), I will have a four-day turnaround before I hit the long road again early Sunday morning.

I found great humor during this week at how much my house has profited from the daily scheduled hour of work. My house is too small to require an hour to tidy up every day, so I had to find projects, things that would take time. This morning, I hauled everything out of the pantry and cleaned it thoroughly, then put it all back inside. Badly needed! There have been many of these projects, inside and out (I almost tamed the rosemary). That's a good thing!

The retreat was more than successful. It was intense and deep and hard work! So hard, in fact, that by Sunday I was drained, whupped, pooped, flogged. Done. That's when I started peeking at the internet again, reading but not answering email. The mind and body were just too tired to keep the work going. I'll do more of these, but I've learned a couple of things. One is not to use an electronic teacher, since that requires turning on the computer. The one I used is actually on a cd that I have, but it opens in a browser and has three talks per day, so it didn't make sense to turn the computer on and off three times a day. I just left it on -- and the temptation got me.

The second thing I learned was that next time I won't make it quite so long, since I really haven't been very effective these last few days while I was so drained.

Other than those minor things, it all went well. I didn't have any trouble keeping to the schedule (although I did blow off early morning meditation a couple of days when I was so tired and the body just wanted to sleep). All in all, I think I spent more time meditating during meditation periods than I normally do at a formal retreat.

The best thing about it all was silence. Outer silence that allowed the inner silence and peace to arise and take over. That was just too, too beautiful for words. And rather surprisingly, most of that disappeared when I began communicating and becoming involved in things again yesterday.

I really would make a good hermit. And I really do need silence, at least from time to time.

Retreat time

Still wallowing in dampness here. Cool dampness. Forecast for the next week isn't a lot better, although instead of 100% chance of rain, it drops into lower percentages. Fortunately, it's been calm and steady rain -- no racking thunderstorms, big winds or downpours. It could be worse.

Everything is wet now. The dehumidifier is running a lot, and I'm emptying a lot of water from it. This old wooden house has just absorbed moisture and that won't go away until we have some sunshine and warm weather. It doesn't help that I've still opened the house up at night for fresh, cool air. Tonight, I'm going to leave the windows closed (a few are always open a bit), so I don't have to start all over with the drying out tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I'm going to take my own advice and turn this house into a meditation cave for the next 10 days or so, if I don't go stir crazy before then. I've spent the past few days prepping both the house and me, getting food in, cleaning, doing things a retreat center would do to prepare for a retreat, mostly. Fortunately, no packing or driving for me this time!

Now, I just have to see if I have the discipline to make this work. I think it's a toss up whether I will or not. I have a schedule to follow and no distractions. The computer will be off. I'll let you know when I emerge.