On the road -- AGAIN!

First, let me say that I am so proud of my little car! Even as it approaches 90,000 miles it continues to get such wonderful gas mileage. On this last trip with three fillups, mileages were: 38.45, 38.52 and 39.49mpg! The latter was actually the first tank, when I was driving easily in the early morning hours headed northeast. The last two covered heavy slow/fast and even stop and go traffic during the next half of the trip north, and a slightly heavier foot on the pedal all the way home. I'm getting braver, edging that speed up just a tad and hoping the vigilant Virginia cops leave me alone. So far, so good. If I didn't have this car -- or another car with equally good mileage -- I'd never be able to afford all these trips I take.

My next trip, however, is going to take me further and faster -- as in a big old jet from Atlanta to San Francisco. I returned home to find my dear friend Ayya Sobhana left alone at the hermitage with only one lay woman to help, and many construction and maintenance projects underway. The other bhikkhunis are staying elsewhere for the next few months while all this is going on, so I felt that I had to find a way to help her out. I can do more of the financial stuff from there, and more to help her with various elements of project management. I am already doing more from here, but in a few weeks there are no more lay women scheduled to visit and help. Someone must prepare her food and drive her from time to time -- the monastic orders do not allow her to do these things for herself.

That said, I'll be leaving here August 14 and returning September 17. Cold weather, rodents, mold and all the chaos be damned! It'll also be a really good opportunity for me to determine whether or not I will be able to go there to stay, as I've been considering once again. This is going to be tougher than last year -- the 'kitchen' is outdoors, soon to be covered by a large canopy that I just ordered for them. Two big Coleman camp stoves do the work. Water is nearby -- don't know if it's been plumbed to the temporary kitchen or not. But, I've cooked meals in the woods for myself many times, using a simple one-burner backpacking stove, so I can do this. All that's needed is filling and nutritious food -- nothing fancy.

So, it's going to be an adventure -- one I'm looking forward to. This time I'm taking some good cold weather clothing, even though that will require checking a bag and thus more $$. But the comfort will be worth it.

Home from the hills

I'm getting better at this traveling thing! Last month, when I drove home from Bhavana it took me almost exactly 12 hours -- but I made stops for breakfast and a late lunch (I was pooped and needed a break and some heavy refueling). Driving up there last Sunday -- in horrendous traffic and nasty thunderstorms for the last 3 hours, it took 11 hours. I took food in the car, so only needed to stop for gas and bathroom breaks. Driving home yesterday, I made it in 10.5 hours -- again, I had food stashed in the car (stopped at a grocery store early on for some cheese and a bathroom break), and blessedly light traffic that allowed me to move steadily along all day. I left there at 11:05am, arrived home at 9:35 pm. Better yet, with each trip I find that I'm less and less tired afterwards. My body is adjusting. That bodes well for whatever long trips may be in my future.

Had a great trip. Finally, a retreat taught by the irreplaceable Bhante Gunaratana. I've met and talked to him on previous visits, listened to some short talks, but never an actual retreat taught by him. This was worth whatever the cost in terms of time and money. I was planning to leave yesterday early, before breakfast, but on the previous day they asked me to assist with a ceremony that would take place yesterday morning. I was honored to be asked, so of course I stayed, leaving right after the ceremony, before lunch. This was for the Eight Lifetime Precepts, which I took two years ago. The ceremony requires a female, preferably a nun, to put a medallion necklace around the neck and tie a string bracelet around the wrist of the women taking the precepts. I was apparently the only female onsite who had previously taken these precepts, and that made me marginally more appropriate to the cause than a female who hadn't taken them. I was careful not to attach any sense of pride or ego from this, but I have to tell you it was really, really cool to sit up front next to Bhante G and perform these rituals! Photos were taken during the ceremony using my camera. I'll eventually post more on the CintaSpeaks site, but here's one.

Yours truly -- with a woman I happened to already know and Bhante G looking on. Priceless! Definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me.

I'm still a bit brain-loopy, so further words will need to wait. I will say that more travel may be in my immediate future -- as in airline travel to San Francisco. Stay tuned to details as I get them.

To old friends

A dear, old friend of mine was recently named 'Artist in Residence' for the America's Cup competition underway in San Francisco. One of the nicest people I have ever met, Jim is not only a talented artist, but also an accomplished sailboat racer (now retired from that) and owned a successful sail loft that catered to racing for many years (also now retired). These days, in his 80's, he enjoys his life and paints, which is what he loves best.  This self portrait shows the merry glee and goodness that are so much a part of his personality.

Check out this article in Diablo Magazine for some of Jim's America's Cup work, and links to more. He's a true treasure, and I am so honored to have been a friend for over 40 years now. I even have an original deWitt sketch that's about that old.

Butterflies

Listen up, everybody. This is an important question.  How does a butterfly get through the fine meshed bird netting that covers one of my garden beds? During the past several days I've freed numbers of them, when I've seen them floundering against the net from the inside, trying to escape. It's a mystery to me.

I'm back from retreat. Kind of. Let's say I'm edging back. Officially, I'm not 'back' until tomorrow, but I put a hole in the proverbial dam yesterday when I answered an email from the bhikkhunis in California that I wanted to chime in on immediately, as it concerned me and some new duties I'm taking on. Once that was done, the hole just kept growing and emails have now been flowing as normal. But, I'm still being silent otherwise, still sticking with the meditation schedule and work schedule and the monastic precepts (no evening meal and no entertainment, primarily).

And, since I took the plunge last week and signed up for a formal jhana retreat at Bhavana next week (as opposed to the informal one I've been doing here), I will have a four-day turnaround before I hit the long road again early Sunday morning.

I found great humor during this week at how much my house has profited from the daily scheduled hour of work. My house is too small to require an hour to tidy up every day, so I had to find projects, things that would take time. This morning, I hauled everything out of the pantry and cleaned it thoroughly, then put it all back inside. Badly needed! There have been many of these projects, inside and out (I almost tamed the rosemary). That's a good thing!

The retreat was more than successful. It was intense and deep and hard work! So hard, in fact, that by Sunday I was drained, whupped, pooped, flogged. Done. That's when I started peeking at the internet again, reading but not answering email. The mind and body were just too tired to keep the work going. I'll do more of these, but I've learned a couple of things. One is not to use an electronic teacher, since that requires turning on the computer. The one I used is actually on a cd that I have, but it opens in a browser and has three talks per day, so it didn't make sense to turn the computer on and off three times a day. I just left it on -- and the temptation got me.

The second thing I learned was that next time I won't make it quite so long, since I really haven't been very effective these last few days while I was so drained.

Other than those minor things, it all went well. I didn't have any trouble keeping to the schedule (although I did blow off early morning meditation a couple of days when I was so tired and the body just wanted to sleep). All in all, I think I spent more time meditating during meditation periods than I normally do at a formal retreat.

The best thing about it all was silence. Outer silence that allowed the inner silence and peace to arise and take over. That was just too, too beautiful for words. And rather surprisingly, most of that disappeared when I began communicating and becoming involved in things again yesterday.

I really would make a good hermit. And I really do need silence, at least from time to time.

Retreat time

Still wallowing in dampness here. Cool dampness. Forecast for the next week isn't a lot better, although instead of 100% chance of rain, it drops into lower percentages. Fortunately, it's been calm and steady rain -- no racking thunderstorms, big winds or downpours. It could be worse.

Everything is wet now. The dehumidifier is running a lot, and I'm emptying a lot of water from it. This old wooden house has just absorbed moisture and that won't go away until we have some sunshine and warm weather. It doesn't help that I've still opened the house up at night for fresh, cool air. Tonight, I'm going to leave the windows closed (a few are always open a bit), so I don't have to start all over with the drying out tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, I'm going to take my own advice and turn this house into a meditation cave for the next 10 days or so, if I don't go stir crazy before then. I've spent the past few days prepping both the house and me, getting food in, cleaning, doing things a retreat center would do to prepare for a retreat, mostly. Fortunately, no packing or driving for me this time!

Now, I just have to see if I have the discipline to make this work. I think it's a toss up whether I will or not. I have a schedule to follow and no distractions. The computer will be off. I'll let you know when I emerge.

Are Bluebirds the Key?

I've mentioned often on these pages how joyous I find the sight of bluebirds in and around my yard. These were in my driveway not too long after I moved here. As the years (three plus)  have passed, I've seen more and more of them. This spring, my neighbor had two pairs of them nesting in boxes in her front yard -- one box actually attached to the front porch. Now, I often see one when I look out into my front  yard. Presumably these are the offspring of those two nests, poking around in the grass looking for munchies. That flash of blue never fails to bring a smile to my face and, perhaps more importantly, inside.

The point of all this is that I've been thinking for awhile now how nice it would be to put up my own nesting box and have them in my back yard. I'd intended to do this the first year, but then these two disappeared and I didn't see anymore until the following year. My thinking was negative -- oh, it's pointless to put a box out there, they'd never use it. My neighbor is proof that they will use it, and that it doesn't have to be out in a field someplace (although she's had those boxes out since before I moved here, and this is the first time bluebirds have occupied them). Bluebirds, like other species, apparently are adapting to life among humans. I now have babies who were born here and will likely either stay here, or return here when it's time to build nests. And there are at least two pairs who have already nested here and will likely return.

So back to this urge. Now that it seems unlikely that I'll become a nomad or live in a monastery, I have to figure out just what the next steps are. Wouldn't it be funny if it all hinged on bluebirds? Not forever, but at least for now.  I really want to put up a box and see it used, and right now I don't have a more compelling reason to go someplace else or to stay here. Perhaps this is as good as any.

I'm sort of nesting here again myself -- planted some basil over the weekend, thinking about planting some more veggies. Yesterday I weeded around the blueberries (badly needed, since the netting keeps the weed-whacker and lawnmower away) and around the rosemary. This isn't much, but it's a big step from the idea of total abandonment that's been in place for so long now.

Of course, so much of it comes back to money! Part and parcel of that is the question of the roof -- well past its reasonable lifespan and apt to leak at any given time. Replacing it is out of the question -- if it leaks, and the leaks are bad, abandonment will be the only alternative. A big part of me still wants to be proactive and not have to worry about that or any other maintenance expenses that might crop up.

But, nothing is written in stone here -- not even close. Merely thoughts leaking from my mind onto the page. I'm not even giving the future any serious thought -- just listening to what arises.

Garden gains -- and losses

Why is it that computers change things that don't need to be changed, with no explanation? I know, there will never be an answer to that question.  What's changed this time is how photos are downloaded from my camera -- in the span of a week or two of non-use, once I returned from Bhavana I noticed the process was different, different windows opened, but I didn't change any settings. I lost some of the Bhavana photos, and I lost a couple of photos I just took out in the yard -- easily replaced and somehow I got this one to save on the computer. Microsoft doesn't like the fact that I'm using my old Roxio photo software instead of Windows -- I think that's the basic problem.

But anyway..... I thought I'd show what's happening out in the back yard.

It's late in the day so it's shadowy, but the point is the greenery around the four raised beds. Greenery that used to be cedar mulch walkways, but is now weeds. I fought them last year, even over the winter, but finally admitted defeat when warmer weather and rains arrived. I just can't do it any more. I could use Roundup, but that grinds every nerve in my body. So the weeds grow and are cut when the grass is cut.

Remember this? Work in progress.

And this? "finished", more or less -- and before the rosemary took over the garden. But the curved metal is in place around the rosemary, as well as the front and left edges of the cleared areas. I never got around to the other two sides and that was my downfall, particularly along the rear where bermuda grass and weeds encroached faster than I could pull/cut them out. I hate the stuff -- it's relentless. It's nice to remember that it looked decent for awhile, anyway.

And this? The summer of black plastic that killed bermuda grass so I could add the two new concrete block planting beds?

And this? Cutting out the layout for the beds -- unevenly!

And this? Digging trenches on two sides of the planting area, as well as the curved area around the rosemary, to install that nice metal edging, to keep bermuda grass from rooting through?

In the ground, ready to be filled in and finished. Only took two days to do two sides. The curved area around the rosemary came later.

Is it any wonder that I'm disillusioned and wanting out of this house -- this is only one reason among many. Countless hours of work, lots of money, and it's all going back to weeds because I cannot keep them out any longer using organic methods, and I refuse to use anything else. The beds are mostly lying fallow now -- needing more black plastic on the empty ones to keep the weeds out -- I dig and dig but they encroach, regardless. I'm tired of the battle. And too old for the battle. So what's the point?

Does fat make you fat?

The first naturopath I saw, many years ago in Eugene, was a sveldt young woman who didn't appear to have an extra ounce of fat on her skinny body. She and I didn't last long as doctor/patient but I will always remember her insistence that dietary fat did not make one fat. "I", she said, "am a perfect example of that." Her diet included lots of fats.

Since then, I've heard the same theory in various places. The body needs a certain amount of fat in order to be healthy -- preferably in the form of healthy fats, of course.  In my own life, I've never noticed that more or less fat in my diet led to more or less fat on my body.

My recent week-long stays at two monasteries with vastly different dietary styles led to an interesting, if unintentional, experiment with this subject.

In Austin, the diet was traditional Burmese: various meats and veggies swimming in heavy sauces floating with oil, lots of white rice, rice noodles and other noodles. No fresh veggies or salads.

At Bhavana, absolutely no fat is allowed in any food, per instructions from the abbot's cardiologist. The rest of us might get scrambled eggs (dry-scrambled), but he would have only the white of a boiled egg. There were nut butters and margarine available on the table, but I had only a small amount of almond butter a couple of mornings, and bread only once. There were plenty of fresh veggies and always a salad. There were two days of delicious food dana (food offerings brought in from outside). The first was 'normal' American foods brought by a woman whose cooking I'd been lucky enough to taste before -- this time no fats or oils used. The second was traditional Sri Lankan food, but without coconut milk or oil of any kind. All of it was delicious without fat.

So where would you guess I'd lose weight, and where I'd gain?  I was certainly surprised! When I returned from Austin after 7 or so days of this delicious diet, I felt as if I must have gained weight -- but the scale said otherwise. I was down 2 or 3 pounds from 'average'. When I returned from 5 days of healthy, fat-free food at Bhavana, I was once more surprised -- up 2 or 3 pounds from 'average'. In between the two, my weight had returned to 'average' so both visits started at around the same figure.

More interestingly, I think I ate more in Austin, and I know I had really no exercise other than walking from place to place at the monastery. At Bhavana, I stood on my feet for 3 to 5 hours per day, working in the kitchen, washing up after meals, and doing another project assigned to me while I was there. And I didn't overeat.

I'm not sure what the conclusion is for this little experiment, other than that as I've noted in the past it doesn't seem to matter what I eat, how much I eat, or how much/little I exercise when it comes to gaining or losing weight. But this was certainly far more of a contrasting diet than any I would or could have devised at home. Make of it what  you will.

Bhavana visit

I've never seen Bhavana more beautiful than on this visit -- but then, I've never been there in spring or early summer, either. Some of my photos were lost in the process of transferring from the camera, which has never happened before, but I'll show what survived.

I've never seen the lily pond in bloom before. On my first visit, it had just been cleaned out and was just a mud puddle without a lot of plants around it. I took better photos than this, but this is the only one that survived.

 

 

 

The lily pond is just to the left of the bridge, the meditation hall behind it.

One of the beautiful lilys in the pond.

From near the columbarium -- such beautiful, green woods!

The columbarium, where people may choose to have their ashes interred. There is work planned for this area during the summer. My will stipulates that my own ashes be sent here.

So, that's what survived. As I suspected before I left, residency here will not be possible for me, except possibly during a summer. The work is difficult even now -- I was pretty well pooped out even during this short visit -- and their need is for 'strong young bodies'. Clearly, that is not me. I can, of course, attend as many retreats as I wish, and go for short visits or residencies, but not long term. As Bhante G said, we have to look at realities in these things, and even I know that the reality for me is that this is just too difficult for my aging body.

On the other hand, when I was there my heart felt that it was at home -- the place it wanted to be. The rest of me agrees. After a beautiful drive through the West Virginia and Virginia backroads, with tantalizing glimpses of the mountains and beautiful Shenandoah Valley in the early morning light, when I reached I-81 at Strasburg, VA there was great reluctance in the act of steering my car onto the on-ramp -- and a bit of dampness in the eyes. I really wasn't ready to leave.

So what does the future hold for me now that this isn't a possibility? I don't know yet, but I'm thinking about some way of living closer so I can visit more often. I feel that there is unfinished business for me there, and I want to honor that if I can. Right now, I'm still too tired to think about it too much.

Frustrations of old age -- and hitting the road again

I get to spend a week here -- almost. My favorite place to meditate.

I know many of us are familiar with that old age disease CRM -- can't remember shit!?

This morning, I'm packing for my trip to Bhavana tomorrow and I cannot find a pair of black pants that I want to wear. I've searched the obvious and less obvious parts of this house several times -- and it's not a big house. Nada.

I know I brought them back from Texas, so they have to be in this house somewhere. But where? I'm keeping my Buddhist calm about it -- so far -- but still racking my brain to figure out where they could be. At least my closet got rearranged in the process of looking. Guess that's good. I don't have a lot of clothes to begin with, so it's not easy to hide something like that. I've checked in the bags I packed this morning twice now, even though I knew they weren't in there. I find there's no such thing as 'know' any longer. :)

Other than that -- and actually putting things into the car -- I'm mostly ready to go and it's not even 10am yet. I've got this system down to a science, I must say. Certainly been enough practice so far this year. Now about all that's left is watching 'hawk TV' to catch the last Red Tailed Hawk leaving the nest. She's taken her own sweet time about it, but sure looks ready.

Tomorrow I'm finally meeting a wonderful woman from Corvallis, OR who has recently moved to  Asheville, NC. We've corresponded for years -- connected through a couple of sources -- but never met. I'm driving north through Asheville just to have lunch/tea with her. Her name is Dr. Mary Ann Iyer and she writes the blog Living in Harmony that's on my blog list to the right. She's just amazing -- so wise. I'm so looking forward to this.

So, that's my day. Wish me luck finding the missing black capri pants!