De-stuffing

Really, you just can't imagine how 'freeing' this is! Four boxes for Goodwill and one bag of books for the library -- not counting the first bag I took them, or the things I've sent to friends/relatives. And this is only the beginning. Oddly enough, I feel much 'lighter' even though they are still in the house. The mental act of 'letting go' is apparently what it's all about.

Some of  you may remember that I've done this before. More than once, actually, although none so thoroughly as late summer of 2004.  I was planning to retire at the end of that year, and planning to go and live/travel on a sailboat. Great idea that I probably would have loved -- but it came with a couple of issues that I never managed to resolve. Primary among those was that I certainly didn't have a sailboat or the money to buy one, so I'd need to become crew/companion for somebody who had a boat but wanted help/companionship. There are plenty of those opportunities out there, but not for women of my age. Most of the old goats sailing alone are just that -- alone for a reason. I made some contacts, but then the second issue kept getting in the way -- I was way up there in Oregon, most of them were way down here in the south, as in Florida or Chesapeake Bay. Anyway -- for all those reasons let's cut to the chase and admit that it clearly never happened. By the time that became obvious, I'd sold lots of small stuff on eBay, some locally, and the rest at a yard sale. All that was left were the basics: an old loveseat, my mattress/frame, maybe a couple of old end tables and the oak book cases (partly shown in above photo), plus an antique dresser and my favorite (most used) kitchen stuff. Even then, I felt light and 'free' from stuff.

But, I moved to Eugene, where I stayed quite happily for 4 years until it became obvious that the city wasn't big enough for both me and a certain friend of mine to live in, and me still have any peace. Turns out the whole state of Oregon wasn't big enough for that -- but that's another story.  Naturally, I began collecting 'stuff' again, most of which is still with me. Like an anchor around my neck.

It feels good to be getting rid of it. I've tossed countless trash bags of paper (from files and various other places, including stacks of Bon Appetit magazines that I never looked at) into recycling. Little by little, the clutter is disappearing.  Some will, of course, go in the car with me. The computer and its accessories, naturally, even the old laptop that I decided to keep as a backup. Clothes, the basic kitchenware I'm not ready to let go of (if I ever do get another apartment, I'll need them, and will probably need them even if I rent a furnished place in Mexico part of the year). Basics. Nothing more. Things I'll need anywhere and wouldn't want to replace.

I have months left to make it happen -- will sell the furniture as time to leave draws nearer, get rid of everything I'm not taking. For now, it's just clutter and small stuff. But it leaves a big impression.

What did your ancestors eat?

I'm freezing! And I have no idea why. It's not all that cold outside, and it's not all that cold inside. But for the past 3 days or so, I've been bundled up like an Eskimo -- down to wool cap or thermal balaclava on my head. Weird.

I have to once again send kudos and thanks to HP. I was using the computer the other day when the screen blipped and then gave a message to the effect that a problem with a display driver had been caught and recovered. My first thought was this old Dell monitor I'm using, but then I forgot about it for another 10-15 minutes until it happened again and this time I got the dreaded blue screen with lots of computer-talk I don't understand, stuff scrolling at the bottom as it dumps stuff. I did, however, note at the top that the problem was a display driver. Didn't take long before the machine shut down, came to restart screen asking whether I wanted to start in regular or safe mode, etc. I opted for safe mode, then once it was up and running promptly called my wonderful direct line to a real live tech here in the good old US of A. By then I'd begun to put the brain in gear enough to realize that the display driver was part of the HP system, not part of this Dell monitor. Since I was able to tell the tech what the problem was, he sent me to download a new driver from the HP site, told me how to check and be sure it was working once it was downloaded and installed and that there were no further problems showing within the system. Then he said he'd call me back today at 4:30 to be sure it was still working well. I forgot about that until a few minutes ago when he actually called. And answered another question I'd come up with regarding the new driver -- which actually has separate settings similar to the usual display settings offered by Windows. For all of us who have been shunted off to India to a 'tech' who doesn't know any more about the system than you do, who puts you on hold while he uses a few words he heard out of those you used to describe the problem so he can look up totally irrelevant 'solutions' in the online knowledge base -- you know how great this is. In and out and fixed in 5 minutes. Hint: to get this service, buy an EliteBook, or one of the other high-end HP business computers. Trouble is, I'm not sure how you'd know which other ones offer this special phone number. EliteBooks do.

I was listening to a woman MD/ND on my late nite talk show early this morning talking about magnesium deficiencies. Once I got up I checked her website, signed up for her newsletter and got a free ebook on the subject. One of the things she suggested was 'eat like your ancestors' -- not cave men, just the way people ate in the general region or country of the world where your ancestors are from. What was available to them? Varied greatly by climate, for example. Her theory is that whatever our great-great grandparents had available to eat locally was the kind of food my DNA was predisposed to tolerate and thus what I should eat. Most, if not all (I'd have to check my database to be sure) of my great grandparents lived right here in North Georgia by the early 1800s, as did their offspring who became my nearer ancestors. Before that (over 200 years up to 300 years ago) most of them were in this country but migrating down through Maryland, Virginia and the Carolinas. Safe to say they all had access to the same food -- aside from the great variety of shellfish around Chesapeake Bay. She said 300 years was far enough back -- but if you want to go further, most of my ancestors were from England, with a bit of Wales, Ireland and Scotland mixed into the fray here and there, although my knowledge of what they ate is limited or non-existent.

What would my ancestors have eaten 2-300 year ago in this country? She said it was probably what your grandmother cooked. I remember that well -- fried chicken, biscuits and gravy, pork in any and all forms (chops, roasts, ham, bacon, sausage), cornbread, game of all kinds -- quail, dove, deer and such --  freshwater fish from rivers and lakes, eggs and milk and butter, and typical veggies grown in farm gardens. Beans, peas, corn, squash, okra, potatoes and the like -- plus plenty of native fruit trees -- presumably peach and apple, at least, and certainly pecans and blueberries, blackberries. Things that still grow wild in this part of the world. Definitely the food I grew up on, and loved. My body certainly tolerates and thrives on those foods -- although as I've grown older the battle of the bulge precludes eating much of it. The body thrives too much, it would seem!

Spring equals Bluebirds

Wouldn't know it was the first day of spring around here -- overcast, chilly, all that.

But, when I went out to the mail box a few moments ago, the bright blue flash of a Bluebird caught my eye! It was more than a flash -- I got a good look and it perched on a nearby wire. Brought a good smile to my face.

Every year about this time -- although I think it's been February in previous years -- I see Bluebirds around here for a short while, then they disappear until the following spring.  I'd love it if they'd stay longer, but they never  have. Maybe this will be the year for that!

Photo is from my first  year here -- proof positive.

Whew!

Tree down on South Main Street here in town (from Polk Fishwrap)

Well, we dodged another one this afternoon. Tornado, that is.

Somehow, I just didn't get rattled by this storm. Maybe I'm just tired of them, maybe I just didn't take it seriously, but maybe I was also watching the radar and tornado map and saw that the storm front line seemed to be breaking a bit, going just to the north and just to the south of  us. So I chilled out and didn't worry about it. May not have been good reasoning, but it sure saved me some stress!

Just reading the local news report, it looks as if the storm actually got just a tad too close for comfort -- but since I didn't know it at the time, there was nothing to freak out about. No tornado sirens wailing away. We had a short burst of hard, wind-drive rain, but then it was past. The power flickered, a few times, and the cable went off a couple of times for brief moments, but otherwise it didn't seem too bad.

Now, I see that lots of trees are down here in Cedartown -- many of them not all that far from here. Southern Floyd County (just to the north of us) was badly hit, and apparently the sweet little town of Cave Spring was also hit again. Severe damage at another little burg between here and Rome. Don't know if they were tornadoes or straight-line winds. There was golf-ball sized hail around, but none here -- at least not on my street. All in all, we got lucky once more.

I have to drive in to Rome (in Floyd County) tomorrow, and that should prove to be interesting. I have an appointment with the dermatologist -- fully expect more nasty zaps from  him, but thankfully none from the weather today.

New blog

I mentioned that I've been spending time deleting posts from this blog -- probably close to 400 so far, with no doubt more that can go the same way. It was too unwieldy -- too many subjects and all that.

I'm not likely to change that, actually -- I'll still rattle off whatever comes to mind here without doubt. What has changed is that I decided to begin a new blog strictly related to Buddhism, since that's one of my favorite subjects.  I've been quietly working away at it for a week or so, getting it to look the way I want it. Last night I started copying a few posts on the subject from this blog over to the new one -- salting the waters, so to speak, so that someone coming upon the blog for the first time would have more than one article to read and therefore might return and look for more. Only two are shown so far -- with others scheduled to publish tomorrow and the following day. That'll give me time and hopefully inspiration to write something new -- there's lots to write about, I just have to choose a place to start.

The new blog is named Cintā speaks. Cintā, you may or may not recall, is the Pali name given to me by Bhante Gunaratana as part of a ceremony at the Bhavana Society in August of 2011. It seems fitting to use it for this blog.

Check it out when you have a chance.  It's still a work in progress, but I let it go 'live' a few moments ago. We'll see what happens.

What does the world want to do through you?

I just spent a fascinating and enlightening weekend watching a live-stream from something called the Wisdom 2.0 conference, from silicon valley. Personally, I never gave much thought to the idea of mindfulness/wisdom/spirituality connected with the tech industry. I'm overwhelmed by my ignorance. The industry is crawling with people who care about the world, and about other people, and who do something about it. Who knew.

I don't know how long they'll leave the various videos up on the above-referenced page, but they do say that all of them, plus the ones from last year's conference, will be available online somewhere. I just didn't catch the 'where'.

It's hard to choose one speaker or panel to highlight, because each and every one had much to offer, much to make me think, much to raise my own awareness and already-existing drive to do something with whatever remains of my life to make this world a better place. Still, I can point out some highlights for me personally. You might connect more with the veterans, or the inner-city kids, or any one of the others.

For me, the most powerful talk was that given by Marianne Williamson. In fact, I just watched it again while working out. I don't know who she is -- never heard of her before -- but I sure like what she had to say. She talked largely about addressing the poverty and suffering in the world -- and she issued a challenge to the tech industry that I think will not go unheard (since a whole lot of tech execs were in the room). Powerful. Her talk was Sunday before the lunch break, so you won't have to scroll down too far on the page to find it.

Perhaps the most fascinating, for me, was an interview of Bill Ford (as in Ford Motors) by Jack Kornfield, one of the best meditation teachers this country has known. Turns out they've been friends and teacher/student for 20 years or so, which in and of itself isn't surprising. What's surprising to me is Bill's humanity, his compassion and caring and how he uses that love, compassion, caring and such that he's learned from Jack in his life, and in the way he runs FMC. That's what it's all about, people. Meditating, being spiritual (whether Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Islamic or secular), sending loving kindness into the world -- all great stuff to do for yourself. But what makes magic out of it is when you take it into your workplace, into your relationships with others, into the world at large, and not in a proselytizing way where you try to convince others that your way is the right way, the only way, but in a way of shining your own love and compassion and caring into the life of every sentient being you encounter, without judgment. Bill Ford is doing that, and the simple knowledge that the CEO of a major corporation in this country is running that corporation from that viewpoint gave me more hope and inspiration for the future of the country than I can say. He battled the board of directors over environmental issues at their plants. He says we need to end our dependence on fossil fuels. An auto manufacturing exec? It's a lengthy talk, but worth the time. It was the final event on Saturday, so you'll have to scroll down a bit to find it.

Another was a young woman named Leah Pearlman. Her talk is short, and sweet, and personal -- expressed with drawings she calls Dharma Comics. It's all about loving yourself -- all parts of yourself, even the mean and ugly parts.  You'll have to scroll past the Bill Ford interview to find it -- I think it was Saturday morning.

So -- have a look, and have a listen. There's something there for everyone.

Onto more mundane things, after a week of pouting and not exercising and eating whatever I wanted, today I have returned to the trenches. Interestingly enough -- no weight/measurement gain or loss for the week, so clearly it doesn't matter what I eat or how much I exercise. This old body is stuck where it is. I guess I do it for health, to keep the body and mind able to grow old gracefully and healthfully.

Destination unknown

I've gone on strike.  After a couple of nights without much sleep, I find myself simply unable to and uninterested in getting on the bike and alternating full-bore and rest every 30 seconds for 20 minutes. I didn't even have the energy to sit and meditate this morning, and let's face it, that doesn't take a whole lot of energy.  The body isn't willing today, and I'm going to humor it. It has, after all, been four solid weeks of HIIT 6 days per week (I consider my weight work to be HIIT too, since I only rest 30 seconds between sets and exercises, often don't rest at all, just switch to a different muscle group). Call it lazy, call it whatever you want -- I don't care. Don't know if it'll last longer than today or not -- don't care about that either, at the moment.

I made some mention a few days back about a possible different direction in my plans -- as in, not moving to Asheville this spring. As the weeks and months have passed by, I've seen a notable lack of interest in, even resistance to, that as a solution. It would be just another place to live, and that's not what I want. What I really want is some arrangement where I can have serious exposure to serious, practicing Buddhists on a steady basis. Ideally, that would be a monastic environment because I like learning from monastics even though I don't want to join their ranks. There's plenty for lay residents to do at most monasteries.

In the short term, the plans last week involved keeping this house longer, as a base of operations, but not necessarily being here very much. I can't afford to do this for long, but through summer, anyway. I'd thought I would travel to Michigan in early April for 10 days or so to sit with Sayalay and other of her students, and to check out this center as a possible place to return in the summer for awhile. I also have applied for a work-retreat (instead of paying, you work 5 hours per day) at the forest refuge of the IMS in Massachusetts, for the month of August. I haven't been either accepted or denied for that as yet, but either way it goes is fine. I think I'm eligible, but probably only through some interpretation. I haven't sat as many 7+ day retreats as they require, but I do have a long-standing practice, which they also consider.  So, we'll see about that. Last week, I was thinking that once I returned from IMS I would sell all this stuff and head to the west coast, maybe spend the winter in Ensenada, go from there.

Things change quickly. After my weekend research I've found monasteries in warm weather places and there are probably more because once I found the one in Austin, I stopped looking. I think I won't go to Michigan (I only have so many $$, so I have to allocate travel expenses carefully), but instead will go to Austin in late May for a week or so, if that still fits into their schedule as the time draws closer. Hopefully, I'll go back there in July for a retreat, if that fits in with the forest refuge schedule, if I'm accepted there. So, things are up in the air and I'm good with that. Solid plans generally change anyway, so I go with the flow, the Buddhist way.  After August -- or perhaps after July, if IMS denies my application -- I'm still planning to divest of possessions and take off. Destination unknown, but Mexico is a really pleasant alternative for the winter if I don't find a monastic home.

I guess there's still the question of how well I'd do at a monastery long-term. I've chafed in the past with scheduling and chanting and such, with not having music or an occasional TV show. And with not having much to do for the times of the day that aren't scheduled, other than meditate. From what I've seen/learned so far of the place in Austin, life there could work very well for me. Always plenty of things to do, and pleasant weather to do it in. Easy work -- sweeping the many porches or walkways. Watering plants, pulling weeds. Outdoor stuff that I'd like. No chanting scheduled until evening, but plenty of nice silent meditation scheduled and a lovely meditation hall to do it in. I like everything I've learned of the Burmese people so I don't think the culture would be an issue. They are beautiful people: 90% Buddhist, they are raised and live their lives on basic Buddhist principles of honesty and loving kindness, where they treat all living beings the same as they treat their own family. They appear to be a happy people, despite great poverty for many, great wealth for others. I've watched a couple of documentaries on Netflix over the last few months -- one on Burma titled They Call it Myanmar, another called Burma: Encounters in a Forgotten Country, and yet another on Buddhism, that takes detailed looks at Buddhism in various Asian cultures including Burma. There are lots of festivals at the monastery with music and authentic Burmese food, and the local Burmese people are very much a part of daily life at the location. Not the same as the more isolated places I've been in the past, and certainly a more pleasant environment. Of course, residing there is not a given, although I think they will certainly give me consideration. Time will tell.

For now, today, I'm about to crash on the sofa again and take another nap. The body is screaming for rest.

Austin????

Still no change in the weights and measures department! Makes me wonder what the point of doing all this calorie counting is, and makes me wonder why even bother. I went down a few calories this week -- could that be the problem? I have no clue. Not quite sure where I'm going to go with it from here. The odd thing is, I feel slimmer, and feel as if I can see some differences. All the extra energy I had during the first three weeks is gone, too, although that may be due to lack of sleep (the lack of weight loss could be affected by that, too, but it's a problem I've never been able to solve for more than short periods of time).

On a happier note: yesterday I spent some time looking for Buddhist (Theravadan) monasteries or centers in the southwest, where the weather would be more to my liking. I found a couple of them, but then I hit paydirt with a Burmese place near Austin, Texas. As soon as I entered the site and saw photos of their pagoda and facilities, I was hooked. The pagoda is a smaller scale replica of their pagoda in Burma, tall and gold-domed. I've mentioned here before that I've been wanting to travel to Burma, stay there for awhile. Money and some discomfort with traveling alone to such a place has held me back. Here, I immediately felt as if I were in Burma -- but within driving distance. I've had some correspondence with one of their monks, American-born, and feel really good about the place. Tentatively, I think I will visit in May, perhaps return in July for a retreat by a renowned Burmese master. After these, if all goes well, I can easily see myself willing to reside here, if they are amenable.  I expect it would even be possible to travel to their location in Burma and spend time, at some point. I would not find that uncomfortable at all, since I'd have a known destination.

This is the Sitagu Budda Vihara, very much a Burmese-inspired temple supported by Burmese people both locally and in Burma. This page shows the Austin pagoda and tells its history. Things are still under construction, although much has been completed and all is expected to be completed by summer, when they'll have a grand opening ceremony. This very much appears to be the atmosphere I've been seeking -- and it's in warm weather country.

So that's my very cold Sunday morning. Groggy, glad that it's a rest day from exercise. And glad for some sunshine to keep some of the cold at bay as the day dawns.

"The Book" has arrived!

It's been about a year and a half, through the process of editing and proofreading, over and over again -- but finally, the long-awaited book by Sayalay Susila has arrived. This is an advance copy, sent to me by Sayalay. It won't be on Amazon for another 3 months or so, probably.

 

I've read every word in it, over and over again -- probably 10 times at least, maybe more. But that won't stop me from reading the 'real thing'. I have learned more about the Buddha's message through this process, and from the information in this book, than I can possibly describe. The Abidhamma is the details behind the sometimes cryptic suttas taught by the Buddha, particularly the details behind the satipatthana sutta, which is the basic discourse most widely followed by Theravadan Buddhists.

A leap of faith

In the past few months, and in one case over a year, I've met some fascinating women -- all Buddhists, although that may not be relevant -- who are what I guess can be called true 'free spirits'. By that I mean that they don't have permanent domeciles, but roam the country and/or world at will. Yet, they are far from homeless. Their ages vary -- some are quite young, early twenties, others I'd guess to be in their 40's. Their stories are all different, but the lack of domecile and nomadic life ties them together.

When I was in California at the hermitage I met several of these who really stand out in my mind. Two were older, one younger. One of the older ones caught my attention the most, because everything she owned was in her backpack, including a tarp that she used as a tent. She was not new to this game -- had been roaming for 20 years or so, as I recall. She'd come to this location for an annual moonlight kayaking event, had stayed over at the hermitage for a week or so, paying her way with work. She was flying off somewhere else afterward. She'd lived on the lava beaches in Hawaii, spent time in Mexico and places I can't remember. Stayed with friends or in her little tent, or did some housesitting. She was signed up with some housesitting registry. She's probably had paid work from time to time if she's stayed someplace for awhile, but no real job. The thing I wondered the most,  but didn't ask, was where she got the money for the plane fare when she traveled. That's still a mystery. She wasn't rich -- or showed no signs of wealth, anyway. Not a trust-fund baby. But she was happy. Cheerful all the time, willing to do anything asked of her.

Another was newer at the game, also one of the older ones. She'd sold everything she owned and quit her job in San Francisco maybe 6 months previously, determined to 'go forth' in the Buddhist sense, but without ordaining. She'd spent some time at a place near San Francisco -- don't think that was Buddhist, but some eastern spiritual practice. Had spent 3 months at the IMS in Barre, MA prior to the hermitage, where she was staying, I believe, for 2 months. She at least had a car, but no home, although she did have friends she could stay with between gigs. She was scheduled to go to Nepal, I think it was, accompanying a nun. She didn't have money -- was upfront about it. Didn't know how it was all going to work, but trusting that it would. And so far, it had. She too, was happy and smiling all the time.

The third was a young woman who'd spent her time after college going mostly to Goenka centers in Europe and the west coast, had ended up at the hermitage doing mostly cooking, but also various other duties. She lived in a big tent that she'd set up in a clearing on the edge of a cliff, on the land, with a great view. She left after about 6 months and went to spend some time with her family then struck out, last I heard, to work on an organic farm. Another happy, smiling person.

Then in September at the Goenka center I met a couple of other young people -- a man and a woman -- who also spent lots of time at various Goenka centers, where volunteers are always welcome and needed for preparing meals during the retreats. He was a gifted cook, she could do anything. Both had great attitudes. She was going on to Chicago, I think it was -- maybe Detroit -- to work with some non-profit group for awhile. Two more happy, smiling people.

Young people like this generally have families to help, whether financially or as a home base, or both. By the time we reach our 40's and beyond, that's not as likely to be the case, if we have family at all.

Over a year ago when I was at Bhavana for the first time, I met a resident who I'd guess to be in her 40s who was also something of a free spirit, with no real home base. She'd spent many years in Alaska, and while I don't know her whole story, at the time I met her she'd been a resident at Bhavana on and off for a year or two, tended to spend her winters in Florida where she taught yoga, mostly to seniors. She's also a writer and gets some income from that.  She's been in Florida for over a year now, even has a home base, although it's temporary.
 
If you're wondering where I'm going with all this,  I find a real kindred spirit with all of these women and their many counterparts. It's what I think I should have done much, much earlier in my life had I known it was possible. I've roamed the responsible -- or at least semi-responsible -- way, always having an apartment, furnishings, and a job. There is that in me that wants to do it now, and yet it seems absurd at my age. I would be very happy to pack a few belongings and my computer into my car, and take off, footloose and fancy-free. No home base, nothing to suck up money and tie me down. There are enough Buddhist centers where I could stay and work for varying time periods. But, so far, I'm chicken. I want to do it, but I'm not quite sure I'd like it and then where would I be? I'd like the roaming part, no doubt, and there is a network out there of people who do this and know the ins and outs. Maybe after a year or so of happily making this work in this country I'd be willing to sell my car and try other countries -- Asia, housesitting in Mexico, etc. The opportunities are there -- but what a leap of faith!

I guess the worst that could happen is that I'd end up in some senior housing somewhere, which is probably what I'll do anyway. So why not have some fun in between? And if I'm going to do that, I'd either have to store all this stuff, or buy new [used] stuff wherever I end up. I'm not attached to any of this stuff, would happily let most of it go. There's a new life waiting out there, somewhere. All I need to do is let go and trust, and see where it leads me.